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XHolly Worton E-mail: holly.worton@gmail.com Web Site: http://hollyworton.com/ Info: Posts by the author (5)

Coaching for a proactive life

The other day I was on the Tube, reading a book, when I overheard a segment of the (rather loud) phone conversation of the person sitting across from me. Clearly he hadn’t done something he had said he’d do, but all I heard was his response to the situation: “Well, it’s not my fault because I forgot.” And he kept repeating: “Well I forgot, so it’s not my fault I didn’t do it.” He was clearly convinced that forgetting to do something was a valid excuse for not actually doing it.

So many people have this attitude in life: blaming others for their mistakes, or for not being happy in life, or for not being where they wish they were. They may blame friends, family members, or even the government. These people generally live a reactive life: simply reacting to what they believe happens to them.Coaching is all about living a proactive life: taking responsibility for the outcomes we experience, and planning our steps so we can get to where we want to be in the future. It’s about taking charge of our own lives: accepting that it’s our responsibility for where we are and what we’ve got, and understanding that if something isn’t working, we need to be the ones to make changes.

You may be familiar with the anonymous quote: “‘I must do something’ always solves more problems than ‘Something must be done’.” Once we become aware of the difference between living reactively and proactively, our way of seeing the world changes. And while it may take some work at first, after a time responsible living because natural to us.

Coaching can help with this process. Working with a coach can help us get clear on what the voices in our head are saying, and how these attitudes are reflected in our lives. A coach can listen to our language and reflect back to us the areas where we aren’t taking responsibility for our decisions.

Training as a coach has been an amazing journey: as a result of both being coached and working as a coach, I have become deeply aware of my own attitudes and language. It’s helped me get clear on how each of my decisions in life have led me to where I am today. And it’s helped me understand that not making a decision is the same as making one: it’s making the decision to stay where I am.

Coaching has made me acutely aware of others’ language as well, so when I hear conversations such as the one I witnessed on the Tube, the lack of responsibility stands out. How about you? Are you aware of your attitudes toward responsibility in your life? In which areas of your life do you live reactively? In which areas do you live proactively?

Filed Under Coaching in Action

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