The Smart School - Youth Coaching and Mentoring Blog » Confidence

Circle of Excellence – Confidence

Robert Stephenson — Thu, 04 Oct 2012 10:58:37 +0000

The other night I was working with a group of mentors, exploring how they can best equip themselves for working with young people. The mentors are new to mentoring and many of them have not worked with young people in this way before.

As we spent the evening exploring tools, exercises and games, that they can use when working with the young people, someone asked about their own confidence and how that could be developed.

You see the work that the mentors will be doing is around developing the young peoples confidence, self efficacy and employability. And as a new mentor, confidence is something that they wanted to explore for themselves.

So we had a look at the circle of excellence – confidence. I know that you maybe familiar with this, or you may have your own way of using or exploring it, and here is how we went about it.

Firstly draw a big circle on the flip chart, with the title of the excellence you want to achieve, in our case it was confidence. The write all the words that relate to confidence for you, what confidence would look like, sound like and feel like.

Once you have your words in the circle, then remember times when you felt like, looked, like, sounded like that. So if for you confidence looks like someone standing upright, standing tall, then remember a time when you were standing tall. You might want to write that into your circle or just hold onto the memory.

Go through all of the words until you have a clear strong memory for them, and if you don’t have a memory, just make one up . Then place the paper on the floor and step onto it, taking in all those memories, feelings, sounds, and sights. Filling yourself with all the elements of confidence.

When practicing this, we were able to see the difference in the mentor as they stood on their paper, it was like instant confidence, not only could we see it, but the mentor could feel it too. This can then be anchored for later use.

As we continued to discuss how we could use it ourselves, we began to talk about how we could enable young people to use it. Not only with words, but also by adding their own images from the internet or of their own creation. By recording music as well as their favourite songs, by using coloured paper that relates to the colour of confidence for them.

This simple exercise could become an entire session or workshop, creating your very own vision board/circle of excellence, not only using confidence, but other emotions or states that would be useful for the young people, like calmness, creativity, resourcefulness.

With the young people you work with, or yourself, I wonder what might be a useful circle for you to create. I would love to hear your thoughts. Have a go and let us know how you get on.

Taking time out to breathe

Robert Stephenson — Thu, 20 Sep 2012 09:33:41 +0000

Recently I have been busy putting lots of new programmes together in schools, youth centres, for mentoring projects as well as my own Coaching, NLP and Hypnotherapy.

As a Youth Coach and Mentor I find there is a lot of activity, in schools especially, at the start of a new academic year; coaching teachers around time management and implementation of new policies. Working with young people, enabling them to manage their new transitions within school and to new schools. Developing creative thinking and teaching.

As well as one of my new projects at Stormont House, where we are helping young people find their “Element” through creative activity and exploration, bassed on the work by Ken Robinson and in his book “The Element”.

So there is a lot going on, and I have to manage my own time and my own state too. Which reminded me of the work of David Shephard and Michael Mellows. They both place an importance on breathing. Taking time out to focus on your own breath.

I wonder if you just stopped reading for a moment and became aware of your own breathing, what you might notice?

This morning while writing my “Morning Notes”, a concept from “The Artists Way” I realised how tense I was, and how my breathing was caught up high in my chest. So I stopped what I was doing and simply took the time to focus on my breathing, nice deep breaths right down into my tummy.

A lot of us breathe with our shoulders, pulling them up to our ears as we breathe in, not realising that this doen’t really help, in fact it can make you even more tense. Simply allow your breath to drop right into your tummy and your rib cage to swing out.

By simply focusing on your breathing and letting your thoughts wonder off, coming back to your breathing, you are able to entre a far more calm and relaxed state.

So the next time you find you have a lot going on, are tense or nervous. Facing a group of challenging students, or going for an important meeting. Stop and take the time to breathe. Perhaps it might become part of your daily ritual, like meditation or yoga.

I would also be interested to hear any other techniques you might use, like counting to 10 or visualisations, so feel free to leave a comment.

“What are you good at?”

Robert Stephenson — Fri, 31 Aug 2012 10:23:19 +0000

Yesterday I spoke about the 5 steps you can take to enable a smooth, engaging and creative session when working with young people. You can use these steps if you are a teacher, youth coach or mentor.

This morning as I was thinking about these steps and how you might employ them, a thought came to mind. Often we spend a lot of time and energy working on new skills that we haven’t done learnt before, as opposed to doing what we know, young people love to do the things that were already good at.

I think it’s important to remember that and give them to space to enjoy the confidence that comes from doing something they are already skilled at.

Now I’m not saying only do what they know, of course not. We need to enable young people to extend and develop their skill set, to push the boundaries of their comfort zone, as well as learning how they learn new skills

But I’m sure you remember how it feels when you have a skills or ability that you’ve honed over time, and are given the chance to share your ability.

When you are working with young people, remember to give them the chance to shine, to feel good about themselves. To recognise that they have skills and abilities. In Dream Tree Coaching, this is represented by the star, their star quality.

So my suggestion is, that when working with a group, especially for the first time, to explore what they are already good at. And over time, as the rapport and trust builds, to re-ask the question; “What are you good at?”

Give yourself and the young people the safe space and time to explore their own skills as well as developing new ones. Take the time to explore how the things they are already good at link onto the new learning you are exploring. And by making those links, the steps to the new learning become smaller, easier, less daunting. Thus removing resistance and creating flow.

Take a few moments to ask yourself the question “What are you good at?” and post your responses below.

5 steps to working with young people.

Robert Stephenson — Thu, 30 Aug 2012 19:55:18 +0000

Recently I’ve been working on developing training for mentors. It’s part of the Mosaic mentoring in schools programe. The mentors are from local businesses, a lot of whom have not worked with or mentored young people. So part of the training is to get them to recognise their skills that can be shared with the young people, to be open to understanding young people and their world, as well as developing their confidence to work with the young people.

Now when I talk about confidence to work with the young people, it’s more about developing the confidence to work with young people when things are going…not as planned.

As a Youth Coach, I know that there are days when the plan just doesn’t seem to be working. This can be because one of the young people are in a particularly bad mood, upset, challenged by the work, or just having an off day. It can also be because I haven’t understood the young people and their needs.

So if you are going to work with young people, as a coach, mentor or teacher, there are a few things you can do to enable your sessions to go as close to plan as possible. Although I have to say, that sometimes throwing the plan out is just what’s needed.

Check in with the group or individual. Get a sense of how they are currently feeling, understand what is going on for them, right now and recently. Also check in with what is coming next in their worlds.
Listen to what is said and unsaid. Really hear the words that are being used, and check their meaning. Coaching and NLP enable you to develop your sensory skills. There is so much to be learnt form body language, watch it, read it, check it.
Share your plan. A lot of young people are not given the bigger picture, or the opportunity to discus, develop or change it. Which leads to flexibility.
Flexibility is a strength, the strength to let go of your plans, and your ego. Often we hold onto our plans because we feel that, that is part of our control, or part of our identity, and if we let go of it then we are giving something up.
Creativity to develop interesting and engaging sessions/lessons. And remember to bring your own creativity in. Use your known creative skills, be that music, storytelling or art.

Putting these steps into play when working with young people, will enable your session to run more smoothly, and if you are able to manage your own state then you are onto a winner.

I’d be interested to know the results you get from taking these steps. And the steps that you take to enable smooth, productive and engaging sessions, when you’re coaching/mentoring young people.

Circus School and the Youth Coach

Robert Stephenson — Tue, 24 Jul 2012 22:09:40 +0000

This week I’m spending it teaching young people circus skills. They range from 6 years old, up to 11. And the funny thing is that you can’t turn off being a youth coach. I’m full of energy and positivity all day long, needless to say I’m spending the evenings on the sofa unable to move…not as young as I once was

Whether you are running a coaching session or a circus skills class, there are approaches that are similar. Firstly you have to have a clear goal for all, the young people need to know what the aim of the classes are, just as in a coaching session you are exploring the issue or creating the goal.

As a coach you need to know and prepare your tools and templates, with the circus school I’m busy setting up the spinning plates as well as untangling the diablo strings. I’m sure there is a metaphor in there somewhere, about the time it takes to untangle the string in between each class, knowing that they will be tangled again…

There are two things that mostly resemble the way I coach the most when running the classes. How the young people treat each other and the language they use when attempting to learn new skills.

The young people, some of which know each other, are her to learn and to have fun. That being the case sometimes the behaviour can be quite challenging as they run around and get quite excited with the games and the equipment. However during all this it is important that they remain respectful to each other, allowing people to have a go at new things without feeling embarrassed about not being great the first time, so I spend lots of time and energy getting them to treat each other with a positive attitude, getting them to watch and change their language, to share the equipment and making sure that everyone is involved.

When the young people are trying out new skills, like juggling, they often start with the statement “Oh I can’t do this” or “This is going to be hard” And like any great youth coach or teacher, we begin by talking about giving something a go first then seeing how it goes, we talk about the idea of practice and what happens when you do. Also I spend lots of time getting them to try all of the various types of equipment until they find what they are good at.

That way they have something to shine with, as well as the new things to learn. I love what I do, even if I’m totally knackered at the end of the day. Watching the young people learn and develop is wonderful, seeing them have a great time whilst learning is just the best. Also knowing that all this fun and learning of skills will also go into them become great young people, with memories of success and being listened to. Of having a safe space to explore new things and gain confidence.

Whenever you are working with young people, explore how you can bring your own coaching skills into the experience. Perhaps you too will find that caching is possible what ever you are doing.

Classroom Olympics

Robert Stephenson — Wed, 04 Jul 2012 19:01:52 +0000

Picture a class full of 7 and 8 year olds, all looking at you, waiting for you to begin and you’re not really sure what you’re going to talk about…

Last week I ran a session in a school and one of the teachers wanted to explore the idea of creative teaching, asking open ended questions within the classroom, and letting the children decide on the journey.

This is very similar to a group coaching session, so I accepted the challenge and entered the arena.

The class had been exploring the Olympics, and the idea around who would be chosen to carry the torch. We used this as our starting point, exploring the qualities someone might need to be chosen. The class were going along with this, however the engagement was low. Now I know as a coach and creative practitioner, the best way to manage a class is to create engagement, so in order to do this one needs to be creative.

I asked the class to think of something that they, as individuals, were good at, and to keep it secret. In turn each class member would stand up and introduce themselves to the class, stating the skill or quality they had, we would become the Olympic Nations, all having what it takes to carry the torch.

In order to get the class to stay involved and participating, when someone stood up and made their statement, if you agreed you would nod your head, and if you thought that it was also a skill or talent that you had, you would also stand up.

As we began sharing what we were great at, the young people were saying things like, singing and running. Then we moved into more interesting areas like, golf and horse riding, boxing and karate, tap and hip hop. At this point I asked the young people to demonstrate their skills. This created a class full of young people learning new things about each other, sharing new skills, and agreeing positively with each others skills and talents.

The teacher was able to see, for the first time, what some of her class were skilled at, also able to see them living the Olympic spirit, celebrating their own excellence. In a positive and open way. At the end of the class the young people were excited about what they had found out about each other and what they could learn and teach each other in future lessons.

Confidence Coaching with Young People

Robert Stephenson — Fri, 04 May 2012 15:48:15 +0000

Recently I have been working for Mousetrap Theatre Project, with a group of young people based in Southall. The young people are all taking part in the Duke of Edinburgh Awards, and at the end they have to do a presentation. This group is made up of young people who haven’t had lots of positive experience in making presentations, in putting themselves out there, in talking to large groups of people about their achievements. With this in mind I was asked to help the group develop their confidence, which is something I come across quite often when working with young people. They often put up this front of ‘I’m ok’ and ‘I don’t care about anything’. However in my experience this is not always the case, in fact there are a lot of young people who do care and are will to work with you to develop their skills and confidence, so that they are able to make the best of their lives. With this particular group, we spent lots of time exploring what confidence meant to them, who they saw as having it, what it looked liked, getting all our ideas down.

After a while I asked; ‘How would you feel if I asked you to stand up and make up a story in front of the whole group?‘ The question was meet with silence and blank faces. After a while they began to tell me all the reasons why they wouldn’t be able to do this. Now I know all you coaches out there will be thinking about reframing, turning the negative statements around and exploring what they would need in order to tell the stories, one of the things being confidence.

On another sheet of paper we explored what might be in a story; beginning, middle, end, characters, locations, etc, and with their help I demonstrated how it might be done. Then, one by one, the young people stood up and had a go at telling a story. The first thing they did was to look at the sheet of paper with the ideas about confidence on it, they read them out to themselves, then stood on it, taking on all the attributes and told their story. Each one amazed that they were able to do it, and proud of each other for taking part. Each young persons story was met with lots of positive support and enjoyment, from myself and the group, giving each one the experience of stepping out of their comfort zone, being confident and presenting in front of an audience successfully.

At the end, they all spoke about how they would hold onto this experience, and how they would use it when presenting the story of their achievements for their Duke of Edinburgh Awards. The exercise was simple, and similar to the NLP Circle of Excellence. Now I’m not saying that the process was simple or easy, it took time to develop the trust, to engage each young person, to talk ideas through and develop their levels of participation. But we got there in the end and they left the room standing taller than when they came in. This for me is one of the reasons I do what I do. The opportunity to make a difference in the life of a young person, enabling them to move forward and be the best they can be.