Creating Safe Space

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I’m doing some reading this week; Change Your Life In 7 Days by Paul McKenna. I was reading it as part of my NLP and Hypnotherapy studies, and as I’m reading it a few thoughts came to mind.

As always everything I read or come across, I think about how it would work with young people, how I can change, adapt or develop it. I have this belief that whether I’m working with adults, teenagers or young children, the approach and ideas are the same, it’s just the language that changes, and it doesn’t really change, it’s just that you find the access point for whoever it is you are working with, but the content is still the same.

The book starts off by talking about our thinking, and some of us are already aware of the ideas around, what we think we create, and that our thinking creates our experiences. Henry Ford said, ‘Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re probably right’.

So this leaves me thinking about young people’s thinking, and how we enable them to have the thoughts that says they can, how do we create environments that allow them to have positive images about themselves and their abilities.

The first points of call are the parents and the teachers, they are the ones who are in contact with young people most of their formative years. So part of enabling young people to have positive images of themselves, is by enable teachers and parents, giving them the  ability and skills to create the environments where these thoughts can be about what they can do, and how great they can be.

There are ideas that Paul McKenna shares about our thinking of ourselves, he calls it: The Three Selves; and at the heart of our three selves is our authentic self, the real us, the person we are deep down.

The work that I do with young people tells me that the only way you can access the authentic self is when the environment is one where the young people feel safe. So as Parents, Teachers, Mentors, Youth Coaches and Dynamic Youth Coaches, we have to find ways of creating this safe space. And a first step might be to ask the young people we work with, what would make a safe space for you?

I’m keen to hear their responses, so if you work with young people please ask and let me know their answers. In the mean time, perhaps ask yourself what would a safe space look like, feel like, sound like for you to be your authentic self?

Youth Coaching and The Olympics

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So there I am getting ready to take the children, all of them, well I say all, there are about nine of us, heading to the museums and parks for picnics. When I catch a bit of the Olympic news.

The Team GB cycling coach is there talking about the philosophy behind creating awesome cyclist. How they looked at how to make someone the best they could be, then applied that to the cycle track, exploring how to make them the best clclist they could be.

The presenter asked, could you apply this to other sports, and he replies, yes you can apply it to anything, because at the heart of it, it’s about making the person the best they can be, then taking that to the sport or the job.

And that’s how youth coaching works, we look at the young person, and explore how they can be the best at being themselves, then look into how this ripples into their world.

Sport has always been a place where young people are able to understand the dedication and focus it takes to be the best, perhaps as youth coaches we need to take some of that focus and dedication and apply it to coaching and mentoring. Breaking down the skill sets needed to be the best, looking at whether the young person is a sprinter or along distance runner. Taking personality types and relating them to sports…at the moment it’s a thought, perhaps there is someone out there already doing this, and I would love to hear from them.

But right now, everyone is ready for the museum, so I’d better publish this post, and while I’m out and about today the thoughts of youth coaching, sports and performance will float around and perhaps a new model will emerge or an old model revamped.

I’d love to hear your thoughts as I’ve seen a few posts about the Olympics and motivation, and youth.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if…

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Wouldn’t it be wonderful if all this positive appreciation for sporting achievement could be transfered into the classrooms, the youth clubs, the street corners. And young people began to see how hard work and determination works.

If they could see that setting goals in the first place, was one of the first steps on the journey to achieving them and the work you put into achieving them was the second. That goals are an important part of life, being able to know what you want and move towards it, knowing what you are aiming for, able to put the hard work in and be supported in the process.

Like the sports men and women, supported by your coach, trainer, physio, family, and all the people that are in the background, enabling you to make it happen.

And I wonder how many young people feel this support around them? From school, friends, and family. How many of them have a Youth Coach to work with them, a Mentor to share their knowledge and experience.

Some schools are doing a fabulous job of supporting their young people, other schools are doing the best they can. As a Youth Coach, I want everybody, every young person to have that support, that guidance, to be in a position where they are able to see the opportunities and possibilities of the life before them, able to see the positive changes and contributions they can make.

Working with young people can be challenging, I know this to be true, however when you get past that, get to where they are, their start point and work with them. The rewards are amazing and something to be proud of, both for you and them.

I listened to the athlete, the long jumper who is now an Olympic gold medalist, Greg Rutherford, talk about nearly giving it all up, and with the help of the team behind him was able to continue. Wouldn’t it be great if we could be part of that team for young people, as teachers, coaches and mentors. Working with them to achieve their own golds, their own goals.

I work in schools, youth clubs, summer schools and on projects to be part of making this happen. Let me know where and how you work with young people to facilitate their goals and dreams, perhaps we can find ways to work together.

Circus School and the Youth Coach

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This week I’m spending it teaching young people circus skills. They range from 6 years old, up to 11. And the funny thing is that you can’t turn off being a youth coach. I’m full of energy and positivity all day long, needless to say I’m spending the evenings on the sofa unable to move…not as young as I once was :-)

Whether you are running a coaching session or a circus skills class, there are approaches that are similar. Firstly you have to have a clear goal for all, the young people need to know what the aim of the classes are, just as in a coaching session you are exploring the issue or creating the goal.

As a coach you need to know and prepare your tools and templates, with the circus school I’m busy setting up the spinning plates as well as untangling the diablo strings. I’m sure there is a metaphor in there somewhere, about the time it takes to untangle the string in between each class, knowing that they will be tangled again…

There are two things that mostly resemble the way I coach the most when running the classes. How the young people treat each other and the language they use when attempting to learn new skills.

The young people, some of which know each other, are her to learn and to have fun. That being the case sometimes the behaviour can be quite challenging as they run around and get quite excited with the games and the equipment. However during all this it is important that they remain respectful to each other, allowing people to have a go at new things without feeling embarrassed about not being great the first time, so I spend lots of time and energy getting them to treat each other with a positive attitude, getting them to watch and change their language, to share the equipment and making sure that everyone is involved.

When the young people are trying out new skills, like juggling, they often start with the statement “Oh I can’t do this” or “This is going to be hard” And like any great youth coach or teacher, we begin by talking about giving something a go first then seeing how it goes, we talk about the idea of practice and what happens when you do. Also I spend lots of time getting them to try all of the various types of equipment until they find what they are good at.

That way they have something to shine with, as well as the new things to learn. I love what I do, even if I’m totally knackered at the end of the day. Watching the young people learn and develop is wonderful, seeing them have a great time whilst learning is just the best. Also knowing that all this fun and learning of skills will also go into them become great young people, with memories of success and being listened to. Of having a safe space to explore new things and gain confidence.

Whenever you are working with young people, explore how you can bring your own coaching skills into the experience. Perhaps you too will find that caching is possible what ever you are doing.

Let’s CREATE

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In order to have engagement when working with a group of young people you need to be creative. Often people say that you are creative or not…Well I believe everyone is creative, in one way or another. To be more specific, you might be the creator, the ideas person, the thinker, or the questioner, the maker or the go getter. There are many parts to the creative process, each as important as the next.

When we were putting the Dynamic Youth Coaching course together, I wanted there to elements of creativity within it, but in a way that anyone would be able to follow, would be able to be creative with. But most importantly It had to be something that I had used, had been successful and was repeatable.

So we created C.R.E.A.T.E.

  • Create Curiosity
  • Remember your outcomes
  • Enquire (what might the YP want/need?)
  • Alternatives and Actions
  • Time frames
  • Encouraging reflection/Ending of session

Create Curiosity by beginning a session with questions. This works really well with groups as it gets discussion started. And the questions can be focused to the areas you are working on, or used as a way of finding out about the group. If it’s to find out about the group, you might want to play “Change Chairs if” A great drama exercise that enables you to find out about the group as well as getting them moving. Sit the group on chairs in a circle, you stand in the middle and ask questions. I always begin by saying they have to be true of you, that way it’s an easy start that you can develop later. So you might say “Change chairs if you are wearing black shoes” and all those wearing black shoes change chairs with someone else in the circle. With the aim being that you try and sit down too, leaving someone else standing who will then ask the next question.

Remember your outcomes as this enables you to stay focused, often we can get so involved in being creative that we can forget the aim of the session. Also by sharing the outcome with the group, you all become responsible for making it happen. This begins the shift of accountability. Later, once rapport has been generated, you can get the group to create their own outcomes for the session.

Enquire, what the Young People might want or need? This can be done before the session, or during. The aim being that you align the session with the needs of the group. Often sessions are prepared without any thought for what the Young People are interested in. This can be mixed with the “Change Chairs if” exercise, where you use the exercise to find out the Young People’s interest, adapting your session to meet their needs.

Alternatives and Actions. Always have a Plan B in mind, extra exercises, games,  questions or even your Personal Story. And the Actions are the steps for the group before your next session. You don’t always have to have actions, especially on the first meeting, where you are developing rapport.

Time frames are simple but important steps to remember when putting your plans together. You want to work out your timings for the session, how long you want to spend on introductions, how long each game should last, always leaving time for questions. When I’m putting sessions together, I just do rough timings, which enable me to move things around and respond to the groups needs.

Encouraging reflection and Ending of session. I often ask the group to write down what they have learnt from the session or any ideas they have had. If I am working with them over a number of sessions, I will request reflection journals, where the Young People can place all there ideas and thoughts. The have a clear end of session, where they can ask any question about what has happened, and about what might happen next.

Following these simple steps will enable you to develop your own creative sessions. Let me know how you get on, and please share any ideas for session frameworks.

Why I do what I do. Part 3. Seeing the changes

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The moment I realised that something I said had the power to change somebodies thinking for the better, the positive, my world changed forever. And once I started it was impossible to stop. It’s like rolling downhill, you just build momentum until you get to the bottom and find a new hill to roll down.

During drama school I created community based arts projects. Interviewing the local community and creating plays that reflected their world. Using the teachings of Augusto Boal we attempted to become the mirror for society to view itself, what it was doing, how it was behaving and offering it the opportunity to change.

This work, like Youth Coaching, is based on the idea that the individual has to come to their own understanding about the choices they make, to become aware of who they are and their actions/patterns/behaviours. When I look back now, it’s crystal clear that this early exploration was preparing me for the work I do today. And it was the changes I saw in the people I worked with, the young people, the audiences and the workshop participants, that fuelled my passion to keep going.

Keep going…how so? I hear you cry.

Well it goes a little bit like this. You’re in a school hall with a group of 14 year olds, looking at you with that expression of come on impress me if you dare. We begin our show all about a broken family, a son drawn towards the gang world in order to fit in, find a place where he can be recognised/appreciated/noticed. Then comes the police, the arrests, the impact on the family, the responses of his mum and finally the questions he asks himself about what he did, the actions and the outcomes.

At this point the show stops and I step forward, offering the audience the chance to stop the action at any point they think our main character, the son, could make a different choice, create a different outcome. And in that moment the audience comes alive, with ideas and options, sharing their own experiences, offering advice. Both the serious and the ridiculous, and even then finding ways to twist and turn it, to create something useful. And all the while each individual is taking something different form the show/ideas.

Now I know that I didn’t change the world that day :-) however I know I did change minds, I enabled members of the audience to think about their actions, their lives and the choices they make. And just one person rethinking their actions makes it worth it, just one person moving from joining a gang to going to college, or getting a job, becomes part of the  change.

The theatre created the space that I now create as a Youth Coach, working one 2 one or in groups, the space that says it’s safe to share your thoughts, to think differently, to question what you think everybody else is up to, to make changes. And by creating this space, by enabling and facilitating the changes in the young people I work with, I make a difference, I am part of their positive change. A change that continues well after I’m gone, a bit like the ideas in the theatre show that live with us well after the curtain has closed.

Why I do what I do. Part 2. The Drama Teachers

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It’s the end of senior high and we have finished our exams. I say finished, I didn’t really take them, in fact I had no idea back then what you were supposed to be doing, no guidance or understanding of study skills. I’m sure somebody told us what to do, but that was were the problems begin, they told us.

As a Dynamic Youth Coach, it’s not about telling, it’s about asking questions, understanding who the young people are, perhaps using the Feel, Fact, Future model to get a detailed understand and create a real connection with the young people. It’s also about mentoring, sharing your own experiences so that the young people realise that you too are a person.

So picture this; I have just finished my exams, and haven’t done very well, that’s the polite way of putting :-) . I go to see my drama teacher. Drama had been the one area where I had found an understanding, a connection with learning. I had loved being in the class and creating theatre. Turning to my drama teacher, I say;

“I haven’t done very well Miss, but I could stay on and do drama, that would be fun” 

She looks at me and replies;

“Don’t bother, you’ll never make it into drama school, and even if you do, you’ll never be able to afford it, so don’t waste your time”

Step into my life my second drama teacher, a different woman completely. My youth coach, although they didn’t have that name back then. I met her at the Weekend Arts College, a place where young people got together on Saturday and Sunday mornings to do dance, drama and music classes. But it was more than that, it was a place where they showed young people that there are possibilities, that you can have dreams. And by putting in the hard work you can make a difference in your life.

They listened to how we felt about the world, and helped us create theatre that mirrored that. We looked at the facts of our worlds, what were our skills, who to turn to, where to find support, how to adapt how you behave in order to get that audition or into college. Then together we planned the future, exploring the possibilities of dance or drama school, university, becoming performers or teachers, or simply using the skills we had learnt in other working environments.

This way of working developed our teambuilding skills, our communication, our confidence and self esteem. We went from a group of young people with no ideas or hope, into a group of young adults with dreams, ideas and respect for others.

And the question I ask myself is ”which drama teacher do I want to be?” 

I don’t even have to think about it. The second drama teacher. The only way to create a world where people get on and work together, is to work with young people, is to help them see the possibilities in their world. To truly listen to what they have to say, without judgement, and respond in positive, open and honest ways. To create relationships with young people where they not only want to talk to you about what is going on for them, but are also willing to listen and hear the questions you offer them.

I believe that we have to find ways to connect with young people in order to create change. And as a Dynamic Youth Coach, that’s what I do. Because if we do not connect, if we don’t listen, if we don’t offer help and support….who will?

Some are lucky enough to have wonderful, supporting and loving parents, others are not so lucky. This very morning I was at the train station where a couple were having a heated discussion about each others friends, a child of about 4 sat in between them as they smoked their joint and used the most creative language ever. This child sat their listening and watching, and learning that that’s how adults communicate, that’s the way people behave.

And I wondered who was going to be there for her, who was going to enable her to find new possibilities, help her to become a positive member of her society? The first drama teacher won’t, the second will. Perhaps that second drama teacher will be you, a youth coach, helping her and other young people see the possibilities of a different future.

Why I do what I do. Part 1 The Theatre Company

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Recently I was asked the question;

“Why are you a Life coach, a Youth Coach…why do you do what you do?”

The short answer is, it’s needed, young people growing up today, right now, need someone who is able to allow them to see who they are, the potential they have, and the steps/action needed to achieve their goals, to reach their potential.

The long answer will take a couple of posts, so lets start at the beginning, the place where the passion was first forged.

It’s back in the day and I’m at school, primary school and a few of the classes are in the main hall, a man in a white coat walks in and asks for our help. He is supposed to be meeting another scientist, who hasn’t turned up and they have an experiment that they need to do.

Now back then I had no idea that this was a piece of Educational Theatre, that he was an actor, and the design of the interactive play was to get us thinking, exploring colour and it’s parts.

To this day I still remember it, I remember colouring in the triangels on a circle with primary colours and spinning it around so fast that it became one colour, it became white. I then had the idea of putting the circle on the pottery wheel and seeing if we could get it to spin fast enough to create white. And we did.

So how did this event create the Youth Coach of today? Well firstly engagement, this event engaged me like no other before, the actors listened to us, heard our ideas, and allowed us the space to try things out. This space is the space that I now create as a Youth Coach. I work with the space to create a freedom, a non judgemental approach, like all good coaches, that enables the young people to give their ideas a go.

But not only give their ideas a go, but to have the ideas. As a young person growing up there are many challenges. One of them being the challenge to get things right. Young people grow up in a world where play and exploration are being pushed out, for the right answer. Although businesses want the creative mind, the new idea, the imagination to create new and interesting products. Lots of schools have gone into an academic right way of doing things, without the exploration, play and use of imagination.

As a Youth Coach, as a Creative Youth Coach, I bring back that space, open that space so that the young people can experiment with their ideas and their thinking. Can try new things out and do things in different ways.

As a Youth Coach you have to be engaging, you have to be able to walk into a room of young people and begin a conversation that takes them on a journey, that enables the space for creativity, thinking, exploration and curiosity to dance.

As adults we sometimes forget the power of our words, and how a little encouragement can open the door to a young persons future.  Now I can’t say that it was only because of this event, but I went on to train as an actor and become a theatre in education teacher before becoming a Youth Coach, but that’s another story that I’ll share in a future post.

Right now what I want to say to you is, as a Youth Coach, as a Practitioner that works with young people, your actions, and your words have the power to turn a young persons life around. Youth Coaches are role models, and as such need to take that on, need to behave in a positive, encouraging, supportive manner from before you walk into that school, youth club or community centre. And at the end of your session or coaching, that authentic desire to inspire young people to achieve their dreams, needs to live on, needs to be visible so that as you walk down the corridor, leave the school, get on that train or into your car, the young people see that that is you, and that you want the very best for them, not just in the session, but in life.

The actors I worked with all those years ago had this, and by behaving in this way captured or ignited something in me that burns bright to this very day. For me it was the beginning of the passion, of having an idea, taking actions and seeing the idea come to life. The beginnings of knowing that with the right support and encouragement, I could have new ideas and take action to create their reality.

Back then I had no idea about Youth Coaching, and perhaps in the job you currently do, the work isn’t called Youth Coaching, but it’s enabling young people to have ideas and dreams and goals. And you might be helping them find ways to create their dreams.

So perhaps like those actors you are already a kind of life coach, and what you do will enable a young person to go a magical journey, perhaps similar to mine, where they explore their possibilities, and in doing so they become amazing adults.

If you have all the skills to do that, then keep doing what your doing. However if you are missing something, then perhaps these posts will help you find it, perhaps becoming a Dynamic Youth Coach will enable you to find that missing piece, enabling you to step into the role, to facilitate, encourage and inspirer young people to be great adults.

Challenges in the Classroom

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As a Youth Coach, I am often asked to work with what some might call “challenging” young people in the classroom. And most of the time these young people just need to be listened to and focused.

So when asked to work with challenging individuals or groups first of all really listen to what they have to say, come from a place where you are trying to understand their point of view. As a youth coach you want to really understand the world of the young people you work with. You might want to find out about their world outside of school too.

When talking with young people about their life it is important to have permission form the adult in charge, or have clear boundaries in place, and if you have any disclosure you report it to the correct person within the school, keeping a written record of the time and date, but not what was said unless you can look it away safely.

And when you do deep listening you are able to find out about what excites and drives the young person, and thats how you get them engaged. By working with what’s already there, you might need to do some reframing with what drives them, get it into a positive frame. But by using your creative skills, listening and engaging, you’ll be able to turn around the situation, creating engaged, focused, positive young people.

When working with a whole class, it’s important to get them to recognise each others skills, see each other in a positive light, this can be done using a skills exchange. The young people write down what they are good at, and post this up around the classroom, then they look at what everybody’s skills are, exploring their own skills need, then bridging the gap.

Often, once a young person is shown that they have worth and value, skills that others desire, are listened to and given the opportunity within a safe environment to explore what their needs might be, then given the skills to express themselves in a positive way, the challenge that once presented itself in the classroom, diminishes. Leaving you with a positive, confident, supportive young person and/or classroom.

So how might you go about working with the challenges in the classroom?

Challenges of a youth coach

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The other day I gave a talk about my work as a Youth Coach;

Inspire, Empower and Develop Young People through Dynamic Youth Coaching

One of the questioned asked was about the challenges I faced with my work. It has to be said that being a Youth Coach can be challenging, however it’s often not the Young People that is the challenge but the organisation. And in order to be a successful Youth Coach you have to manage the organisations you work with as well as the Young People.

Now I’m not saying that working with Young People as a Youth Coach is always easy, no it’s not. It can be very challenging, however the rewards are more than worth it when you see the changes you enable in the lives of the Young People you work with, when you see their self-esteem rise and their confidence grow.

Organisations don’t always understand what and how you do what you do. So it’s important to give them as much information as possible, sometimes this means running mini sessions with the organisers during the planning. Even then you can be surprised by how organisation introduce you and your work, as well as what they expect you to be able to achieve, often in a short amount of time. This means that you have to be clear and manage expectations.

The biggest challenge of course it getting the young people to turn up in the first place, with a school this is more achievable, with youth clubs, colleges and universities it can be harder. You can always have incentives, like cake, or what ever reward system the organisation uses. It’s important to remember that when you enter an organisation, you become part of their system, you can make demands but need to understand where they are coming form, what they need and the changes that are possible.

I often find it useful to have a reward at the end, however if you create enough engagement, the young people will do their best to return to future sessions, work hard and help create the changes.

So my tip is to be as clear as you can, give as much information as needed, including demonstrations. To check with the client/organisation that they have understood your work and your processes. To be clear about expectations and introductions of your work and of yourself. And to remember that you are often coaching the organisation as well as the Young People they have asked you to work with.

Why not share any challenges you’ve had as a Youth Coach or Mentor, it would be great to hear about how you manage them or share some ideas about how they could be managed on the future.