Tag Archives: life

7 ways to be amazing as a coach

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this-is-only-potential

How do you know you are doing a good job when you are coaching?

This can be a sense or feeling that you get from the responses shown to you by the client.

It could be feedback that you have actively sought from the client in how they have benefited from being coached by you or you may have a variety of ways to ascertain the value you have added to the clients experience and in their life.

I thought today I would share with you 7 ways to be an amazing coach. This is directly from my own experience and I have found these extremely useful in my career

1. Learn your skill

This may sound very obvious but I believe that coaching should be an eloquent, creative expression of who you are through what you do.

This will mean learning the fundaments of coaching in its original form and the subsequent evolution and varied models, applications and theoretical knowledge of coaching. There is also no replacement for practicing what you learn. A life coach-training course will put you in a good position for this first point. Life coaching is not just about setting goals, not giving advice and there are definite cross overs between coaching and counselling.

2. Practice

Again this may sound a little grandma suck eggs! I don’t however mean just in the confines of the coaching session.

I mean to have coaching conversations with people you meet in your daily interactions, this can greatly enhance communication, and people will feel valued and listened to.

Do not have a set outcome from the conversation (unless you desire that) but merely create a shift in how you may have been communicating. This will hone your skill, create an observational quality to how you do what you do and what can stay and what can be changed or adapted.

3. Have a beginners mind

With the massive array of personal development opportunities available in todays society you may come to coaching with a rich plethora of knowledge and experience in moving forward in your own life and helping others.

I would advocate keeping an open mind with anything you learn, adapt what you learn if needs be, take what you want and leave what you don’t and don’t be an expert in the client’s life – they are. You are a facilitator of transformation not the creator and owner of it.

4. Be ok with your own vulnerabilities – be real

You have got to where you are in life through your life experience and knowledge. This does not need to be hidden away in any place that shame can manifest and grow but has uniquely shaped who you are and what you bring to a session.

Through this sense of being real, fallible and authentic you can have a wondrous sense of connection with those that you coach. You don’t need to reveal what you have done or overcome but it will be felt on an intuitive level.

5. Take risks

Through the act of taking risks comes creation, opportunity, growth and movement.

When you embark upon a new venture in your life is the outcome always certain or set in stone?

Do you feel a fear that is present from this dynamic of not knowing? This may be the case but I would say that in order to move forward both with your own life and also client practice you need to jump in and try new things, be open to getting it wrong and being aware of any self depreciating messages that arise in the form of unwanted voices that may tell you that you are not good enough to do this or the job at hand.

6. Be on top of your own learning

How many people do you know that have been on a course where the emotional connection has been real whilst they are in the training room but may be lost in the day to day slug of life afterwards?

A question. How many self-developments books do you own at home that have remained dusty on the shelf?

Learning is an ongoing state whether that be text book learning or through our own life experience.

I strongly advise that you read books (from beginning to end) on coaching, attend inspirational seminars, watch videos and practice. You need to keep on top of developments within the coaching world.  Also prescribe to magazines and coaching journals that will be able to help you in this field.

7. Get support

I do not agree that we need to be a shining example of guru status to be a coach. I believe that we need to be real and this will mean that at times we will also have down days, black clouds and periods of time that we need to get our own support. Whether that be a good talk with a friend over coffee or a more therapeutic intervention that will give us grounding and help us through these periods, I see it is essential to reach out when you need to and in the direction of the right people and places.

Do what you need to do to be amazing.

 

Developing yourself as a coach

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With the merriment of Christmas now slowly sinking into by gone 2012 and with 2013 ripe around the corner I wanted to share something in the world of coaching that is close to my heart.

I believe that coaching is not just a skill set but also an art form that requires various approaches to be developed into a congruent, person centred and powerful transformational process.

When you learnt to be a “coach” you may have attended a life-coaching course, read books to help in asking questions and on the fundaments of coaching, watched videos and listened to podcasts on the ever increasing world of coaching and its applications and created your own learning in honing your skills as a coach.

To master a skill takes time but also a need exists for you to be on top of your own development.

Within a life coach-training course there is limited time to learn new models, skills and approaches that will need to be practiced out in the world and with clients.

There are a huge variety or approaches within the new world coach that encompasses areas from the worlds of therapy and personal development.

Coaching, as we know by now is not a simple goal setting approach using the out-dated GROW model but is a fluid fusion of skills and techniques that put the client at the very heart of the relationship.

Drawn from the worlds of Cognitive Behavioural coaching, Neuro Linguistic Programming, Transactional Analysis, Gestalt, Somatic coaching and existential theory the coaching tool kit has never been so full.

The challenge here for new coaches and old hat coaches alike is to continue to learn, keep their coaching tools clean and sharp and also remember what tools do which job.

This takes time, energy and practice.

I also believe that a high emotional intelligence is required in order to do the best job possible and part of this will be to get the correct and right amount of support for you as an individual helping others.

This could be to get a coach for your own goals and needs, enlist the help of a mentor within the field of coaching, gain professional development by attending courses, seminars and workshops.

I also advocate getting emotional support when needed to address deeper underlying concerns that will give you clarity on who you are and what you bring to clients in a fully focused and congruent way.

There are a myriad of books on coaching and self-development.

I encourage that you read up on new best practice, strive to keep reading and take what you want and leave the rest.

We can absorb only a small proportion of the huge amount of information that is given to us on a daily basis and through natural ways of filtering information it may not be possible to become a self help  / coaching guru but you will indeed resonate with key parts of books that have emotional meaning for you.

I would also say that no matter how good your skills as a coach are, you also (if required) need to learn about business.

It is fantastic to help people accomplish their dreams but maybe a self-enquiry as to the real reasons you want to do what you do is also useful (Maybe invest in some coaching too)

Have you thought about how much money you would like to make from your coaching?

The key to being a successful coach is to determine what success means to you and creating a vision and plan to obtain this.

Also, we don’t stop learning and with the world of coaching expanding constantly it is up to you to step into your fullest potential.

I wish you every success for 2013 and look forward to connecting with you and sharing more from the world of Transformational Coaching.

Are you setting your own goals for 2013?

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How would you like to be living your life in 2013?  Do you feel you have choice in this?

It is an interesting self-enquiry question that can ascertain how you perceive yourself and your options.

When a goal setting approach is needed you as a coach will spend a lot of time and energy on helping other people to set goals and create action plans to achieve them.

However you know by now that transformational coaching isn’t this linear and you will use a range of approaches, theories and techniques to facilitate change with the clients you are working with.

One of the biggest issues and concerns with goal setting is that people don’t set goals but merely talk about what it is that they desire in a nebulous way.

Have you thought of what you personally want next year?

There is something to be said for saying this out loud.

Sometimes writing down in a brainstorming way could also be useful without being too formulaic in outcomes or it might be that you do set more structured goals and explore how these could be achieved.

You could do a spot of self-coaching but also how else could you get help to achieve what you want?

Do you have your own coach? I am not saying this is compulsory of course, as you will find what works.

I have worked with a number of coaches myself. Not in terms of coming up with a set and workable action plan but more to gain a different prospective and a greater sense of clarity on what is current in my life and what I would like more of.

I also have seen with clients how there may be a logical understanding of the change that needs to happen but for some reason this isn’t always enough to shift focus and get into action.

Life is a rich tapestry of different areas that mean something to us.

Whether this be love, relationships, fun, career, finances, spirituality, self-growth or other parts of life.

I also see that coaches are generally very good at helping others but sometimes not so great in helping themselves.

I would also like to bring in the idea that if you don’t change what it is that you “say” is not working in your life what is it that you are holding on to or getting from keeping things as they are?

If you were to change, what would you have to deal with or let go of? Whether this inappropriate belief systems, comfort zones or more.

How would this be useful?

I also encourage people to get the right support for themselves to help with transition when needed and depending on the magnitude of the change and impact that this could have in their lives.

Also and with conviction I encourage people to keep things simple.

If something isn’t serving you then change it, if you are not living in accordance with your values then do something about it.

We can come up with a million (or maybe just a few!) excuses why we cant change but if we shifted our attention on we could have instead this may well be a better way of viewing things.

I also (this will be another post) encourage you to start to formulate your own business plan for 2013 in terms of being a coach, change maker or practitioner in helping others to achieve success.

I look forward to staying in touch with you in 2013 and sharing more from the world of personal transformation coaching and hearing what has been working for you.

transformation and your own learning as a coach

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Today I would like to share my own thoughts and experience in learning and how to bring this to clients.

When people learn a new skill to help others I believe there is an element of transformation that will be two fold.

Transformation for the clients that come to you for coaching, and also transformation in your own life that can enrich what you do and who you are in exciting ways.

I can cast my mind back to many different training courses that I have been on where I have learnt new skills and tools that whilst I am in the learning domain on the day can be exciting and purposeful but become diluted and less impactful after the event.

Whilst adding to my skill sets in personal development and coaching is not a bad thing in itself I also feel that to have the most impact personally I need to on some level connect with the learning that has taken place and part of this will be a certain self enquiry in to my own cognition, feelings and emotions and proceeding actions and behaviours that have shifted in light in what I have learnt.

What is the most useful part of the new experience and how can this be appropriately brought into my own client practice when coaching?

I also see this, as a bit of a balancing act that I need to be aware of. Not to bring my own agenda to the client – coach session that could impact the coaching exchange in negative ways.

I like to see my own learning as a container of experience that can sit comfortably in my conscious awareness that does not need to be discussed in front of a client.

I am not the benchmark of my client’s experience. I am just an explorer in their world and when underpinned by curiosity and connection can alleviate my need to get it right and be perfect.

I also do not need to fix the client in anyway.

Coaching is a wonderful and elegant exchange of conversation that is best served with meaning with a side dish of purpose.

A smorgasbord of richness and experience in my client’s world that is fully person centred and congruent with a strong belief from me that the client I am working with is not broken.

If I deliver a solution or fix the clients “apparent” challenge, who is this about?

I am also not going to be black and white here in saying that there aren’t times that this could be useful as there could be a great deal of frustration felt by the client if I am coaching them into dead ends when a simple suggestion or a well framed amount of advice could help them move ahead and with greater clarity.

I see time and again how people on our Personal Transformation Coaching course have had heart felt shifts on meaning, experience and I have had feedback that I have “seen” myself clearly for the first time in my life.

The conditioning from parenting is being questioned, some of what people continually do with less than desirable results may start to change and also the need for validation and approval from clients will start to shift into one of trusting the process and not needing to get a feel good from my clients changes but rather a deeper routed acceptance of my capabilities as a transformational coach.

When you are out in the world creating change ask yourself what can I learn and how can this be useful to others.

 

mix and match in coaching

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With the complexity of clients and what they bring to coaching there is also a need for you as the coach to be flexible with the way you coach and the experience that you bring to a session.

A common thread in a lot of my posts is that coaching does not always need to bring in just a typical goal setting approach and tasked based formulae to helping people achieve outcomes, but can through coaching style conversations bring clarity, purpose and meaning to clients in their life.

I also see coaching as a dedicated art that needs to be practiced to hone the skill of being a coach.

Also the need to coach congruently, confidently and with the client at the centre of the dialogue is desired.

It is also true to say that depending on what the client brings to a session will determine the way you coach.

This may mean that you do work with smart goals to allow exploration of all the key points of the goal.

The key point here is that if we just focus on goal setting when other areas need to be uncovered and explored then we are not only not coaching ineffectively at times but actually not giving the client the best experience.

The core transformation for individuals may not be typical coaching questions in how are you going to get to your goal but what is getting in the way at present?

I have coached top executives in corporate settings that at first want to ”just” focus on the problem at hand and what isn’t working but also want to get a quick fix in getting better results for the business whether that be higher turnover, more profit or other areas of concern.

In fact one client said categorically that he didn’t want to talk about emotions.

Did this happen?

At first we looked at what he wanted to change in terms of his business and what this would mean to him and started to formulate very specific goals and how he would be able to measure success in his own way and words.

The coaching then took on a different energy when I asked if you know this to be what you want and what could help why aren’t you doing this already?

This is where we started to go beneath the surface of the goal and look at values of the company but also we started to look at my clients individual values in terms of his place as company director. This also brought into the mix limiting beliefs.

It was deemed through exploration that my client was striving for “perfection” his map of the world demanded this and when asked where has this come from? The clients’ parenting was brought into the equation.

How his father had given him messages as a child that you have to be perfect to succeed.

This was a task too much and a benchmark that caused my client to transfer the being perfect script onto peers and colleagues.

People were rebelling (a bit like resistant children to a critical parent) and key work tasks were not being completed and things were not getting done.

Staff were turning up late or not at all and the general atmosphere was negative and unproductive.

The useful part of this coaching session was that my client had a shift in perspective in how a deeply rooted belief system was getting in the way and causing issues.

I worked with my client to not change his values but to understand how his belief system was creating limitations for him. We worked on changing his limiting belief with a wonderful and powerful tool to help this happen.

The end results were that he was more realistic with himself in achieving success – he said a weight had been lifted (that he had been carrying since childhood) and the way he would work with his staff would be to get to know them more and to understand their drivers, motivations and values.

Part of this was to later bring in actions and accountability to these actions but the session was (as you can see) not just goal setting.

In subsequent sessions we reviewed progress and his staff morale was much better, sickness had decreased by 50% and targets being achieved were 6% higher, which increased bottom line profit.

The key to this transformation was that we did look at more personal areas of the client’s life but linked them to the goal at hand. The goal was not the fundamental milestone. Although we needed to start with this initially.

This was a very useful experience for my client and emotions were discussed but with purpose, confidence and skill to make them relevant to the client and their situation.

The next time you are coaching be flexible with your approach, understand what is required and trust yourself to work in the best way. “for your client”

 

Shining a light on shame

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I was thinking today about the next topic of my post and was sifting through my archived stories, client work and own experience to come up with something meaningful and poignant.

What struck me was commonalities between clients in what stops them moving forward.

Also in how they perceive themselves through internal filters which are often distorted and self-defeating.

In this post we will have a look at the topic of shame, as I see it in relation to coaching and the struggles that people will bring with them in these areas.

What is shame?

Shame underpins people’s lives in different degrees and at different times and can be powerful, toxic and destructive.

It can show up in many different guises and more often than not can be a catalyst  for behaviour that has negative results and this in itself can turn into a self-perpetuating cycle. Especially when we look at compulsive behaviours and addictions, which clearly highlights the shame cycle.

People will initially ‘act” out on there feelings of low self worth to somehow make themselves feel better. They reach outside of themselves  to change how they feel.

The key here is that in its initial stages of this cycle there is a  positive intention for dealing with uncomfortable feelings, anxiety, stress and much more. The cycle takes on a different form when the negative consequences outweigh the positive intent. This is also the cycle of addiction in its purest form.

The key energy and emotion for people that I have worked with in these areas is that of shame.

Shame is a self-statement of I am not good enough. I am a bad person.

It is self-judgement based on feelings of  low self worth and added to by how people behave, what they do and how they view their own dysfunctions.

This notion of self-judgement can feed on itself and before long people can be (in my experience) racked with feelings of shame that can have a powerful effect in their lives.

It can cause great distress and feed into other emotions such as anxiety and depression.

Within addictions it represents itself in the pattern but shame is not exclusive to this area.

It can also show up in isolated incidents that tap into peoples deep-rooted feelings of being less than or being exposed.

The challenge here can be uncovering the shame.

A bit like a monster hiding in the dark. There may be fear of exposing it. It could have devastating consequences for the person involved. This can be fear based and also not grounded in truth but a perception of it.

The core way that we can help people in dealing with these feelings and emotions is allowing them to talk about what is concerning them in a supportive, encouraging, safe and structured environment that the coaching session creates.

The very nature of opening up allows people to cut through binds of shame and also exposes the monster in the dark.

Once we allow people to talk about what they do, how they do it and also how they view themselves in this regard  it can have a diffusing effect on shame.

The fact that they have been able to share what they really want to without judgement from you is a starting point for allowing people to move ahead with renewed confidence. A leap of faith may be required!

Even if the journey is paved with challenge and unexpected experiences along the way. You will be helping your clients to break down the walls of shame.

Not by fixing them or providing a solution but by allowing them to be themselves in any given moment without fearing reprimand.

Trust yourself and be ok with your client not being. This can have powerful results and create transformation.

Bridging gaps in coaching

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In todays post I would like to share my thoughts on the idea of bridging gaps within coaching.

In fact not just in coaching but also other areas for when you work with clients and people who are looking for change and transformation within their life.

A great example of this concept is within personal and romantic relationships.

Many people would say that you have to love yourself before you can love someone else or get into any form of personal relationship.

To make this clear I would like to introduce Mr Do-nothing who to be honest does not value himself very highly, is lacking in confidence and also not very experienced and knowledgeable in matters of the heart.

If you were to say to Mr Do-nothing you “have” to love yourself first before you can get into a relationship imagine the dilemma.

This is a man who has low self esteem (years of bullying at school didn’t help) a man who has few friends or social interaction (not because he doesn’t want to but he has little self confidence)

A man who is crippled with anxiety and depression (at times) but one thing he does know he doesn’t “love” himself. In fact he doesn’t actually like himself very much at all.

From this state to one of loving himself may seem a tall order.

Surely it would be a better approach to help Mr Do-nothing to start to learn to like himself? To create stepping-stones to get further ahead in his life. To start to see himself differently and in more empowering ways than he is currently. We can help our Mr (and Mrs) Do-nothings bridge this gap.

The same concept would apply when we are dealing with performance based coaching. If a staff member is not achieving what the manager requires we need to have an honest approach when working with this individual. They may not be able to turn from low performer to high performer overnight.

We as the coach can bridge the gap in helping them “get better”.

This could be a skills gaps, a confidence boost or motivation, or simply for someone to pay them attention in different ways that could be more empowering and positive.

How can we best motivate others to move forward “towards “optimal living or performance?

We need to support, encourage, challenge and ask purposeful and powerful questions that help our clients think differently. This can be a process of self-discovery for people that come to us for help.

The truth of the matter is that when we coach we need to understand that we may not transform people’s lives in one session (although I am not saying that this cant happen).

What we do is to create a space for exploration and ultimately help people move towards what they desire.

This can be slowly or quickly but will materialize if we work with our clients best intentions at heart and keep this in mind with any coaching sessions that we undertake.

Through our coaching conversations, goal based approaches when required and using our skills and knowledge we can help create a hypothetical bridge from their current state or situation to where they want to be.

It is our role as change creators to allow this to happen for the people we work with.

Letting go

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Today I was sitting thinking about coaching and some of the challenges that coaches face when they work with clients. Not just this but also the challenges that clients will bring to a session to work with their coach on.

One thing that struck me was the concept of letting go.

In many areas of self and personal development the idea of letting go is widely used and recognized.

I would like to take this opportunity to share my own ideas of what this could mean within the world of coaching.

This is two fold – firstly for the coach and also for the client.

I have noticed at times coaches feeling that somehow they are solely responsible for any results within coaching sessions and they can subconsciously drive the session to these results.

The coach may have an idea of what success means in terms of helping people to move forward to desired outcomes and achievement of goals.

The coaching session will go through different stages of self-inquiry for the client and they will talk about what it is that is bothering them, what they would like to change and what this could mean for them and the bigger impact of change in their life.

When we can truly flow with the client and the session the need for a set outcome can dissolve and we are then working on a very person centered level and allowing the learning for the client to be truly about them and not what we think they should be doing to get results.

The ebb and flow of the coaching session takes on an air of elegance and a rhythm that is unique to the individual we are working with.

We can measure our success as coaches on what results the client is getting and their personal shifts as they go through the process of the session and not on what “we” are looking for as success.

We need to let go of getting it spot on perfect or seeing our value as coach on what we think the client should be achieving but rather see and feel what is presented to us from the people we work with and take on board what they have gained from the experience.

The client will also be letting go within a transformational session.

They will let go of their versions of reality where there life is not serving them any more, let go of limiting beliefs to be replaced with more positive empowering beliefs and also let go of negative behaviors that keep them stuck and unhappy to be replaced with more purposeful ones.

The process of letting go for both the coach and the client is based on trust and rapport within the session.

Allowing the session to unfold naturally without due concern with exactly and how the end result will be.

When you next coach take these ideas into the session and see what happens for both you and your client.

Try and test out in coaching

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When we work with clients regardless of what we are helping them with there will come a time that a lot has been talked about, problems openly shared and a clarity gained on where the client is at in terms of their life goals and what they want from working with you.

First and foremost we need to let the client have the space to discuss what they need to, what is pertinent to them and allow them to talk without needing to change the story or situation.

The nature of this is useful for the client to felt understood, acknowledged and heard.

We then as coaches might need to bring the client back to why they came to coaching in the first place, to keep them on track with what they wanted to change, achieve or create.  Of course as transformational coaches we know that goals shift and more can be revealed during the coaching session.  We also need to be flexible with this happening.

We can then start to help the client move forward towards achievement of what they want for themselves.

This could be in a goal setting approach that brings about actions or a more fluid coaching conversation that creates awareness and more clarity for the client.

Whichever route we take with clients and however we are coaching an important part of the change process is starting to discuss what things would be like or could be like once they have improved or changed.

How will they know things are different? Is it the way they talk to themselves, the impact of this change on others and their relationships and what is the measurement of difference?

The key here is to bring in ownership from the client in how they manage the change, what would be a more resourceful way to be living and the impact in doing things differently.

There can also be an element of testing it out.

You may resonate with the idea that just talking about it isn’t going to change it. Coaching will quite often bring a new clarity into place and sometimes a light bulb moment shows it self within the session. The realization from the client in how they have been living.

When I coach I also want the client to learn from this new awareness and test things out for themselves.

As you may have heard if you always do what you have always done you will always get what you have always got.

In order to get different results you need to do things differently.

The wonder of coaching is that these differences in thinking, actions, and behaviour can then be visited in subsequent sessions with your client to find out what has changed for them? What have they learnt from this and how can this be built upon as a resource to accomplish more of what they want?

The client needs to be at the centre of his or her own development and learning.  Future posts will look at this as key concept to working holistically with clients.

For now don’t be afraid for the client to take responsibility and ownership of their goals and desires.

Living without attachment

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Today I was sitting down reflecting on my own life and what I had still to achieve and decided that this wasn’t clear to me.

I started to panic and  wonder why not, what had to change and what I could do to obtain clarity.

Then it became clear that maybe I didn’t need to know! There in itself was the clarity I needed!

Out in the world and certainly with the surge in personal development there is a great emphasis in attaining peace, happiness and inner fulfilment.

There are articles written on these subjects, feel good quotes like never before shared across social media channels, different techniques introduced to weary souls, life style changes to adopt and ways to create these pinnacles of self enlightenment.

There is also an undercurrent of non-acceptance in anything that could be deemed as negative or not working towards a better outcome in some way.

I do believe in certain ways to self improve but also believe that there is also a great deal to be said in embracing the unknown and uncertain.

When people are unhappy they will frequently think of ways to change this. To come up with a solution and strive to make things better.

The very nature of which can be counter productive. The more that people focus on what isn’t working the more the inner battle can rage and this can increase the frustration and unhappiness that people are trying to avoid in the first place.

What needs to change?

Firstly I think that when people are faced with an unhappy or rocky stage in their life a question is does this need to be fixed or can I accept how things are for now.

It is in this acceptance that there can be a peace of mind and relaxation. In order to feel differently you have to do something some might say. To get in a better place, change the way you think or look ,feel differently and act better.

I don’t agree that this is the always the answer. The media world also creates a road to being whole and pure, almost like a spiritual cleansing.

To eat well, behave well and be well.

There is nothing wrong with this in its self but to live authentically and to do what you want (or not) based on your truest self is maybe a different approach that is not based in fear or guilt for being anything less than perfect.

Whatever this means to you.

If you think about how much there is out in the world that gives you messages to improve your life, be whole and spiritual is it any wonder that you doubt your imperfections, your flaws and weaknesses and above all your vulnerability.

I highly recommend being ok with exactly who you are right now, not doing anything other than be you, Be true to who you are and don’t create a pedestal for yourself that will have you crashing down in a crumpled frustrated pile if you fall from it.

Enjoy your life as it is in all its complicated glory.