Tag Archives: fear

transformation in work and life

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pathway-picIn an organisational context transformation is a process of profound and radical change that orients an organisation in a new direction and takes it to an entirely different level of effectiveness.

Unlike turnaround (which implies implies incremental progress on the same plane) transformation implies a basic change of character and little or no resemblance with the past configuration or structure.

*http://www.businessdictionary.com/definition/transformation.html

There are also key elements here that can be applied to our personal lives.

Firstly and importantly there are clear similarities between how people operate in the environment of an office and in there own lives.

So what are these key cross over areas?

Transformation has a certain level of permanency which in is very nature is different to change.

When people decide to make shifts in their own life or of a more general approach in the workplace there is a process that happens. This is known as the trans theoretical change model. Let us look at this and as we do maybe you can apply this to your own life.

Pre contemplation: when it is beyond our awareness that anything needs to change. We may be quite happily (or not) plodding along .The don’t know what you don’t know stage of being and thinking.

Contemplation: When we start to want to change whether that be in the way that we work and interact with people or something more selective and poignant for ourselves in our own life we then contemplate the change.

At this stage there is a self-enquiry as to what isn’t happening for us and what we would prefer things to be like. Things may be so bad that we are forced to look at the situation we are in and can now start to believe that the grass is greener and there must be a better way.

There can also be a passage of time in which many pros and cons are weighed up in what the change would bring and alter in both positive and negative ways.

Preparation: Clearing the decks, setting your house in order and getting ready for the change ahead and the work that is needed in order to make it happen.

We then move into action. In order for things to change it simply isn’t good enough or effective to think about the change. There needs to be an active movement towards creating a pathway and steps to what we want that is aligned with our values, that creates an energy shift and new direction.

We are being active in our own progress and doing not just being.

One of the most important stages of change is then the maintenance stage of the cycle.

You may have started to do things differently, work more effectively and generally be in a different place, which creates a noticing of this change in our lives.

In popular terms it is said that a habit takes 21 days to be embedded within our sub conscious. Whether this is true or whether it takes longer than this it needs to be maintained, worked with and support gained to increase the change to a level of permanency which could also be seen as positive transformation.

When people do not maintain the cycle at this level there can be what is known as a relapse, Back to how things were and the negativity that can rise from this point can set people back.

I also believe there could be shame and guilt thrown in. An inner critical parent that gives us a hard time for not keeping things moving.

People will then either give up and return to old ways or pick up the reigns and get moving again. Back on the horse.

I would also like to mention support at this juncture. We need to trust ourselves and we need to be able to trust others to show the support that we need in alter to transform our lives. Whether than be from our direct managers and peers or key people in our lives that we can share with and talk to. Some may need this more than others but to ask for help when we need it is crucial to maintaining the cycle of change.

The coaching framework is a great nurturing ground for this cycle to be looked at on every level and touch point.

The nature of the empathetic relationship between coach and client or peer can have a remarkable effect on the individual, congruently starting to shift perspective, create new ideas and strategies and also marked steps to reach the desired end goal.

I believe that within organisational structures there needs to be an open dialogue about the frustrations people feel and what the change could bring and how it can benefit not only the individual but also the impact in house on work related issues and concerns.

It is not effective to simply focus on the end result and how this can be reached in typical performance based coaching interactions.

People are emotive beings and if we can adjust to this and allow this to unfold and at the same time have a clear end outcome to strive towards we can help to create transformational shifts for people with empowering and long lasting results.

Developing yourself as a coach

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With the merriment of Christmas now slowly sinking into by gone 2012 and with 2013 ripe around the corner I wanted to share something in the world of coaching that is close to my heart.

I believe that coaching is not just a skill set but also an art form that requires various approaches to be developed into a congruent, person centred and powerful transformational process.

When you learnt to be a “coach” you may have attended a life-coaching course, read books to help in asking questions and on the fundaments of coaching, watched videos and listened to podcasts on the ever increasing world of coaching and its applications and created your own learning in honing your skills as a coach.

To master a skill takes time but also a need exists for you to be on top of your own development.

Within a life coach-training course there is limited time to learn new models, skills and approaches that will need to be practiced out in the world and with clients.

There are a huge variety or approaches within the new world coach that encompasses areas from the worlds of therapy and personal development.

Coaching, as we know by now is not a simple goal setting approach using the out-dated GROW model but is a fluid fusion of skills and techniques that put the client at the very heart of the relationship.

Drawn from the worlds of Cognitive Behavioural coaching, Neuro Linguistic Programming, Transactional Analysis, Gestalt, Somatic coaching and existential theory the coaching tool kit has never been so full.

The challenge here for new coaches and old hat coaches alike is to continue to learn, keep their coaching tools clean and sharp and also remember what tools do which job.

This takes time, energy and practice.

I also believe that a high emotional intelligence is required in order to do the best job possible and part of this will be to get the correct and right amount of support for you as an individual helping others.

This could be to get a coach for your own goals and needs, enlist the help of a mentor within the field of coaching, gain professional development by attending courses, seminars and workshops.

I also advocate getting emotional support when needed to address deeper underlying concerns that will give you clarity on who you are and what you bring to clients in a fully focused and congruent way.

There are a myriad of books on coaching and self-development.

I encourage that you read up on new best practice, strive to keep reading and take what you want and leave the rest.

We can absorb only a small proportion of the huge amount of information that is given to us on a daily basis and through natural ways of filtering information it may not be possible to become a self help  / coaching guru but you will indeed resonate with key parts of books that have emotional meaning for you.

I would also say that no matter how good your skills as a coach are, you also (if required) need to learn about business.

It is fantastic to help people accomplish their dreams but maybe a self-enquiry as to the real reasons you want to do what you do is also useful (Maybe invest in some coaching too)

Have you thought about how much money you would like to make from your coaching?

The key to being a successful coach is to determine what success means to you and creating a vision and plan to obtain this.

Also, we don’t stop learning and with the world of coaching expanding constantly it is up to you to step into your fullest potential.

I wish you every success for 2013 and look forward to connecting with you and sharing more from the world of Transformational Coaching.

Fear and Strokes within coaching

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When you coach clients they will often have a feeling of being stuck within a coaching session. They may have been trying to change for some time and actually already know what they want to accomplish.

This can be a good starting point for a coaching conversation that can help people to get clear on what the change will mean to them and also what the impact could of this in bigger life terms.

When clients start to intrepidly step outside of their comfort zones or situations that are familiar to them this can be a time of uncertainty, which can bring up a host of thoughts and feelings that can also be overwhelming for people to deal with.

The interesting part of this is that people want change but this can bring about fear even if the change would lead people into a better place and more positive way to live.

Quite often clients will also come with black and white views on how things “should” be based on their filters of experience along with other thought biases such as ignoring the positive, scanning for what they fear, over thinking, fortune telling, mind reading and more. (These are based on Cognitive Behavioural coaching approaches)

Through these filters people can create a fear of change that could be grounded in past experience

The key words here are past experience.

It may not always be relevant to what is happening now and also not based on reality but rather a perception of it. It could be a feeling of I wont be able to cope with the change, as I am not equipped to deal with it either emotionally or intellectually.

This is where you can come in as a coach to explore with your client what the change would mean to them but also to help examine and explore on deeper levels where the resistance is that is stopping them taking steps into what they want.

Is it fear of something going wrong and not being able to cope? or is it that they will have to give up something that they are holding on to?

People like to feel that they exist. When we look at the ways people create this feeling of existence there is a very interesting part of coaching that brings into the mix transactional analysis and specifically strokes.

What is a stroke?

Based on TA pioneered by Eric Berne a stroke is an act of recognition of our significance.

Also to add to this it is the thing we spend much of our time unconsciously seeking.

They help us feel alive!

There are eight qualities within strokes.

  • Verbal and non verbal
  • Positive and negative
  • Conditional and non conditional
  • Self and others

A very interesting stroke is that of self. Imagine you have had a very stressful busy week, many appointments at work back to back; you have been pushed for time and chasing your tail to get things done – not just for you but also for others. Maybe not eating properly or adequately resting.

You have wanted to do more for yourself, relax more and give yourself time to wind down.

Because of this not being achieved you could berate yourself with negative self-talk – beat your self up metaphorically and give yourself a hard time for not putting yourself first and start to be judgemental on yourself through negative self talk.

This could be seen as a negative – verbal self-stroke.

Does this sound familiar?

This very dynamic can also be highlighted within coaching sessions where people are talking to themselves in negative ways that stop them moving forward in their life bur are gaining a feeling of although it is negative I know I exist. Which is better than being ignored and not seen.

Of course it could also be a host of other things such as limiting beliefs, counter injunctions and so much more.

The key to being a useful coach in this respect is to really understand the client’s perception of things and coach where it will have the most impact.

Understand the clients fear and what meaning they are giving it – how are they fuelling this and could there be another way for them to view the situation, one that is less negative and more empowering?

Above all it is about curiosity into the clients life and world rather than being and what isn’t working for them.

Next time you coach don’t rush into the solution but allow the client to say what is really happening and coach ahead from that.