Tag Archives: change

transformation in work and life

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pathway-picIn an organisational context transformation is a process of profound and radical change that orients an organisation in a new direction and takes it to an entirely different level of effectiveness.

Unlike turnaround (which implies implies incremental progress on the same plane) transformation implies a basic change of character and little or no resemblance with the past configuration or structure.

*http://www.businessdictionary.com/definition/transformation.html

There are also key elements here that can be applied to our personal lives.

Firstly and importantly there are clear similarities between how people operate in the environment of an office and in there own lives.

So what are these key cross over areas?

Transformation has a certain level of permanency which in is very nature is different to change.

When people decide to make shifts in their own life or of a more general approach in the workplace there is a process that happens. This is known as the trans theoretical change model. Let us look at this and as we do maybe you can apply this to your own life.

Pre contemplation: when it is beyond our awareness that anything needs to change. We may be quite happily (or not) plodding along .The don’t know what you don’t know stage of being and thinking.

Contemplation: When we start to want to change whether that be in the way that we work and interact with people or something more selective and poignant for ourselves in our own life we then contemplate the change.

At this stage there is a self-enquiry as to what isn’t happening for us and what we would prefer things to be like. Things may be so bad that we are forced to look at the situation we are in and can now start to believe that the grass is greener and there must be a better way.

There can also be a passage of time in which many pros and cons are weighed up in what the change would bring and alter in both positive and negative ways.

Preparation: Clearing the decks, setting your house in order and getting ready for the change ahead and the work that is needed in order to make it happen.

We then move into action. In order for things to change it simply isn’t good enough or effective to think about the change. There needs to be an active movement towards creating a pathway and steps to what we want that is aligned with our values, that creates an energy shift and new direction.

We are being active in our own progress and doing not just being.

One of the most important stages of change is then the maintenance stage of the cycle.

You may have started to do things differently, work more effectively and generally be in a different place, which creates a noticing of this change in our lives.

In popular terms it is said that a habit takes 21 days to be embedded within our sub conscious. Whether this is true or whether it takes longer than this it needs to be maintained, worked with and support gained to increase the change to a level of permanency which could also be seen as positive transformation.

When people do not maintain the cycle at this level there can be what is known as a relapse, Back to how things were and the negativity that can rise from this point can set people back.

I also believe there could be shame and guilt thrown in. An inner critical parent that gives us a hard time for not keeping things moving.

People will then either give up and return to old ways or pick up the reigns and get moving again. Back on the horse.

I would also like to mention support at this juncture. We need to trust ourselves and we need to be able to trust others to show the support that we need in alter to transform our lives. Whether than be from our direct managers and peers or key people in our lives that we can share with and talk to. Some may need this more than others but to ask for help when we need it is crucial to maintaining the cycle of change.

The coaching framework is a great nurturing ground for this cycle to be looked at on every level and touch point.

The nature of the empathetic relationship between coach and client or peer can have a remarkable effect on the individual, congruently starting to shift perspective, create new ideas and strategies and also marked steps to reach the desired end goal.

I believe that within organisational structures there needs to be an open dialogue about the frustrations people feel and what the change could bring and how it can benefit not only the individual but also the impact in house on work related issues and concerns.

It is not effective to simply focus on the end result and how this can be reached in typical performance based coaching interactions.

People are emotive beings and if we can adjust to this and allow this to unfold and at the same time have a clear end outcome to strive towards we can help to create transformational shifts for people with empowering and long lasting results.

Getting over procrastination

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I will start this post with a question

What are you avoiding that you know would benefit you in your life?

Within my own experience as a transformational coach I have heard from clients in how they are resisting moving forward in certain areas and yet will happily do so in other aspects of their life that may not have such an impact.

Procrastination is not a unique dilemma and it causes many people a lot of frustration

The question is

Why do people procrastinate?

This could bring about a variety of answers and of course will be contextual to the individual coming to you for coaching and help. I will share my thoughts here and would love to hear your comments and for you to share your own experience on this subject.

Firstly I believe that procrastination goes somewhat deeper than we might first assume.

Why would people avoid doing what they often know would move them forward, create positive change and help shape their futures in transformational ways.

There could be number of reasons

Fear

Fear of being caught out, judged, reprimanded, told off for doing a bad job ,being anything less than perfect, being vulnerable and so much more.

Quite often these are childhood scripts and belief systems that have been picked up and added to in our own development.

Maybe a script of being perfect, don’t be seen or don’t be successful could be playing out which underlies the stuck feelings and procrastination.

Enjoyment

I think that people will generally (and this is a generalisation) spend time doing what they enjoy, what is easiest and what does not raise an emotional reaction from them.

Why would people spend time doing something they don’t want to and raises uncomfortable feelings? – whatever the reason.

Pay offs

When people don’t change and keep themselves where they are, what could they be gaining from this?

Although the behaviour / action or lack of action is not serving people on a conscious level it may well be serving them on a more subconscious platform.

They are possibly getting something from “not doing”

Sometimes people’s values are also beneath the surface or their procrastination.

For example you have a person – lets call him Mr Jones (keeping it simple) who knows that he would love to give a public speech on a topic close to his heart and in fact has the opportunity to do so.

A large audience would be there to see him, a guaranteed coverage from a well known tabloid and an opening of doors that would enhance his career and general financial state.

And yet Mr Jones leaves the preparation until the last minute, he does everything else that won’t help (watching catch up tv, going on the Internet, re arranging his furnishings, talking to his cat) and generally avoiding!

What he might be getting is a feeling of being safe, built into this is fear of “making a mistake” and being seen to “not be good at his job”.. That is far worse in his mind.

The end result is that Mr Jones avoids doing the necessary work involved or leaves it to the last minute – when the pressure is on …

The adrenaline is pumping and he is putting “himself” under pressure. It could also be a sense of control. The end result is not 100% tangible and can not yet be seen or felt.

Why would people trust in something that has no certain outcome? I believe that trust plays a large part in why people stop themselves moving forward.

Lack of trust in others, lack of trust in themselves.

After all who can they rely on?

I will also briefly introduce the self saboteur.

The person who will create drama and anguish for themselves , where in fact there is none.

I have often seen how people before a big event will stay up late, go out drinking, get tired, get unwell and will cancel at the last minute to avoid being seen or ….(fill in the gap)

There are many reasons why people procrastinate…I would like you to question your own motives and of course bring this into alignment to the clients you work with.

Get beneath procrastination not beaten by it. Do share your own stories and comments below.

Are you setting your own goals for 2013?

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How would you like to be living your life in 2013?  Do you feel you have choice in this?

It is an interesting self-enquiry question that can ascertain how you perceive yourself and your options.

When a goal setting approach is needed you as a coach will spend a lot of time and energy on helping other people to set goals and create action plans to achieve them.

However you know by now that transformational coaching isn’t this linear and you will use a range of approaches, theories and techniques to facilitate change with the clients you are working with.

One of the biggest issues and concerns with goal setting is that people don’t set goals but merely talk about what it is that they desire in a nebulous way.

Have you thought of what you personally want next year?

There is something to be said for saying this out loud.

Sometimes writing down in a brainstorming way could also be useful without being too formulaic in outcomes or it might be that you do set more structured goals and explore how these could be achieved.

You could do a spot of self-coaching but also how else could you get help to achieve what you want?

Do you have your own coach? I am not saying this is compulsory of course, as you will find what works.

I have worked with a number of coaches myself. Not in terms of coming up with a set and workable action plan but more to gain a different prospective and a greater sense of clarity on what is current in my life and what I would like more of.

I also have seen with clients how there may be a logical understanding of the change that needs to happen but for some reason this isn’t always enough to shift focus and get into action.

Life is a rich tapestry of different areas that mean something to us.

Whether this be love, relationships, fun, career, finances, spirituality, self-growth or other parts of life.

I also see that coaches are generally very good at helping others but sometimes not so great in helping themselves.

I would also like to bring in the idea that if you don’t change what it is that you “say” is not working in your life what is it that you are holding on to or getting from keeping things as they are?

If you were to change, what would you have to deal with or let go of? Whether this inappropriate belief systems, comfort zones or more.

How would this be useful?

I also encourage people to get the right support for themselves to help with transition when needed and depending on the magnitude of the change and impact that this could have in their lives.

Also and with conviction I encourage people to keep things simple.

If something isn’t serving you then change it, if you are not living in accordance with your values then do something about it.

We can come up with a million (or maybe just a few!) excuses why we cant change but if we shifted our attention on we could have instead this may well be a better way of viewing things.

I also (this will be another post) encourage you to start to formulate your own business plan for 2013 in terms of being a coach, change maker or practitioner in helping others to achieve success.

I look forward to staying in touch with you in 2013 and sharing more from the world of personal transformation coaching and hearing what has been working for you.

transformation and your own learning as a coach

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Today I would like to share my own thoughts and experience in learning and how to bring this to clients.

When people learn a new skill to help others I believe there is an element of transformation that will be two fold.

Transformation for the clients that come to you for coaching, and also transformation in your own life that can enrich what you do and who you are in exciting ways.

I can cast my mind back to many different training courses that I have been on where I have learnt new skills and tools that whilst I am in the learning domain on the day can be exciting and purposeful but become diluted and less impactful after the event.

Whilst adding to my skill sets in personal development and coaching is not a bad thing in itself I also feel that to have the most impact personally I need to on some level connect with the learning that has taken place and part of this will be a certain self enquiry in to my own cognition, feelings and emotions and proceeding actions and behaviours that have shifted in light in what I have learnt.

What is the most useful part of the new experience and how can this be appropriately brought into my own client practice when coaching?

I also see this, as a bit of a balancing act that I need to be aware of. Not to bring my own agenda to the client – coach session that could impact the coaching exchange in negative ways.

I like to see my own learning as a container of experience that can sit comfortably in my conscious awareness that does not need to be discussed in front of a client.

I am not the benchmark of my client’s experience. I am just an explorer in their world and when underpinned by curiosity and connection can alleviate my need to get it right and be perfect.

I also do not need to fix the client in anyway.

Coaching is a wonderful and elegant exchange of conversation that is best served with meaning with a side dish of purpose.

A smorgasbord of richness and experience in my client’s world that is fully person centred and congruent with a strong belief from me that the client I am working with is not broken.

If I deliver a solution or fix the clients “apparent” challenge, who is this about?

I am also not going to be black and white here in saying that there aren’t times that this could be useful as there could be a great deal of frustration felt by the client if I am coaching them into dead ends when a simple suggestion or a well framed amount of advice could help them move ahead and with greater clarity.

I see time and again how people on our Personal Transformation Coaching course have had heart felt shifts on meaning, experience and I have had feedback that I have “seen” myself clearly for the first time in my life.

The conditioning from parenting is being questioned, some of what people continually do with less than desirable results may start to change and also the need for validation and approval from clients will start to shift into one of trusting the process and not needing to get a feel good from my clients changes but rather a deeper routed acceptance of my capabilities as a transformational coach.

When you are out in the world creating change ask yourself what can I learn and how can this be useful to others.

 

mix and match in coaching

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With the complexity of clients and what they bring to coaching there is also a need for you as the coach to be flexible with the way you coach and the experience that you bring to a session.

A common thread in a lot of my posts is that coaching does not always need to bring in just a typical goal setting approach and tasked based formulae to helping people achieve outcomes, but can through coaching style conversations bring clarity, purpose and meaning to clients in their life.

I also see coaching as a dedicated art that needs to be practiced to hone the skill of being a coach.

Also the need to coach congruently, confidently and with the client at the centre of the dialogue is desired.

It is also true to say that depending on what the client brings to a session will determine the way you coach.

This may mean that you do work with smart goals to allow exploration of all the key points of the goal.

The key point here is that if we just focus on goal setting when other areas need to be uncovered and explored then we are not only not coaching ineffectively at times but actually not giving the client the best experience.

The core transformation for individuals may not be typical coaching questions in how are you going to get to your goal but what is getting in the way at present?

I have coached top executives in corporate settings that at first want to ”just” focus on the problem at hand and what isn’t working but also want to get a quick fix in getting better results for the business whether that be higher turnover, more profit or other areas of concern.

In fact one client said categorically that he didn’t want to talk about emotions.

Did this happen?

At first we looked at what he wanted to change in terms of his business and what this would mean to him and started to formulate very specific goals and how he would be able to measure success in his own way and words.

The coaching then took on a different energy when I asked if you know this to be what you want and what could help why aren’t you doing this already?

This is where we started to go beneath the surface of the goal and look at values of the company but also we started to look at my clients individual values in terms of his place as company director. This also brought into the mix limiting beliefs.

It was deemed through exploration that my client was striving for “perfection” his map of the world demanded this and when asked where has this come from? The clients’ parenting was brought into the equation.

How his father had given him messages as a child that you have to be perfect to succeed.

This was a task too much and a benchmark that caused my client to transfer the being perfect script onto peers and colleagues.

People were rebelling (a bit like resistant children to a critical parent) and key work tasks were not being completed and things were not getting done.

Staff were turning up late or not at all and the general atmosphere was negative and unproductive.

The useful part of this coaching session was that my client had a shift in perspective in how a deeply rooted belief system was getting in the way and causing issues.

I worked with my client to not change his values but to understand how his belief system was creating limitations for him. We worked on changing his limiting belief with a wonderful and powerful tool to help this happen.

The end results were that he was more realistic with himself in achieving success – he said a weight had been lifted (that he had been carrying since childhood) and the way he would work with his staff would be to get to know them more and to understand their drivers, motivations and values.

Part of this was to later bring in actions and accountability to these actions but the session was (as you can see) not just goal setting.

In subsequent sessions we reviewed progress and his staff morale was much better, sickness had decreased by 50% and targets being achieved were 6% higher, which increased bottom line profit.

The key to this transformation was that we did look at more personal areas of the client’s life but linked them to the goal at hand. The goal was not the fundamental milestone. Although we needed to start with this initially.

This was a very useful experience for my client and emotions were discussed but with purpose, confidence and skill to make them relevant to the client and their situation.

The next time you are coaching be flexible with your approach, understand what is required and trust yourself to work in the best way. “for your client”

 

Building trust in coaching

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What are some of the key elements in coaching?

This can be answered by many different responses. Maybe simple questions, holding space, active listening, using coaching models, reflection, clarification, feedback and so much more.

A very important part of the session and how you interact and connect with your client will be in the area of trust.

Trust is a core element of creating connection with your client, allowing open and honest discussions from both sides and also allows the client to feel safe and to talk about what they need to and not what they really feel they should be talking about.

How do you gain trust?

Interestingly is this something that needs to be gained or do you allow for trust to be there on your first interaction with the client?

My view is that trust starts to be created the very moment you meet a potential client. At this moment you are building rapport.

I often here coaches “selling” themselves and their products far too soon without really getting to know what the client wants and how they would benefit by working with you as their coach.

When I have worked with clients I listen to what they want to know, tell them what they want to hear and fill in any gaps in knowledge that are pertinent to them.

This allows a natural rapport without it being forced and can start to build the trust that is so important within coaching interactions and future sessions.

This however should be maintained. Simple ways of doing this could be

  • Deliver what you promise whether this be in follow up notes, actions that you have agreed to undertake as their coach and being prepared for the session in advance and being on time and ready to coach.
  • Show empathy and be supportive in the session
  • Outline clearly how you work as a coach and bring into the equation a contract agreement in how you work, what you expect but also and very importantly what they can expect of you.
  • Make sure to not judge the client’s views, opinions or beliefs but rather explore with them any areas of difference that could be more useful for them to open up and look at with your help.
  • Trust that the client is not broken but could be operating more or less effectively in any given moment.
  • This comes from person centred theory that is the lynchpin of transformational coaching.
  • Allow them to make mistakes, revel in triumph, take risks and explore their goals, desires and aspirations.
  • Be ok with not being ok yourself. You really do not need all the answers but are simply an explorer in the client’s world.
  • Above all trust yourself!

You may not know the best model to use or the most powerful question to ask but allowing yourself to be open to the experience of the coaching and working with your client in a way that allows for real and authentic interactions has in my experience been the best way forward.

Answers do come, models appear when needed and you may get a sense of what needs to happen and the most useful and purposeful question to ask.

This is not about being perfect but willing to take risks and remove your own agenda.

Trust the process.

Shining a light on shame

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I was thinking today about the next topic of my post and was sifting through my archived stories, client work and own experience to come up with something meaningful and poignant.

What struck me was commonalities between clients in what stops them moving forward.

Also in how they perceive themselves through internal filters which are often distorted and self-defeating.

In this post we will have a look at the topic of shame, as I see it in relation to coaching and the struggles that people will bring with them in these areas.

What is shame?

Shame underpins people’s lives in different degrees and at different times and can be powerful, toxic and destructive.

It can show up in many different guises and more often than not can be a catalyst  for behaviour that has negative results and this in itself can turn into a self-perpetuating cycle. Especially when we look at compulsive behaviours and addictions, which clearly highlights the shame cycle.

People will initially ‘act” out on there feelings of low self worth to somehow make themselves feel better. They reach outside of themselves  to change how they feel.

The key here is that in its initial stages of this cycle there is a  positive intention for dealing with uncomfortable feelings, anxiety, stress and much more. The cycle takes on a different form when the negative consequences outweigh the positive intent. This is also the cycle of addiction in its purest form.

The key energy and emotion for people that I have worked with in these areas is that of shame.

Shame is a self-statement of I am not good enough. I am a bad person.

It is self-judgement based on feelings of  low self worth and added to by how people behave, what they do and how they view their own dysfunctions.

This notion of self-judgement can feed on itself and before long people can be (in my experience) racked with feelings of shame that can have a powerful effect in their lives.

It can cause great distress and feed into other emotions such as anxiety and depression.

Within addictions it represents itself in the pattern but shame is not exclusive to this area.

It can also show up in isolated incidents that tap into peoples deep-rooted feelings of being less than or being exposed.

The challenge here can be uncovering the shame.

A bit like a monster hiding in the dark. There may be fear of exposing it. It could have devastating consequences for the person involved. This can be fear based and also not grounded in truth but a perception of it.

The core way that we can help people in dealing with these feelings and emotions is allowing them to talk about what is concerning them in a supportive, encouraging, safe and structured environment that the coaching session creates.

The very nature of opening up allows people to cut through binds of shame and also exposes the monster in the dark.

Once we allow people to talk about what they do, how they do it and also how they view themselves in this regard  it can have a diffusing effect on shame.

The fact that they have been able to share what they really want to without judgement from you is a starting point for allowing people to move ahead with renewed confidence. A leap of faith may be required!

Even if the journey is paved with challenge and unexpected experiences along the way. You will be helping your clients to break down the walls of shame.

Not by fixing them or providing a solution but by allowing them to be themselves in any given moment without fearing reprimand.

Trust yourself and be ok with your client not being. This can have powerful results and create transformation.

Letting go

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Today I was sitting thinking about coaching and some of the challenges that coaches face when they work with clients. Not just this but also the challenges that clients will bring to a session to work with their coach on.

One thing that struck me was the concept of letting go.

In many areas of self and personal development the idea of letting go is widely used and recognized.

I would like to take this opportunity to share my own ideas of what this could mean within the world of coaching.

This is two fold – firstly for the coach and also for the client.

I have noticed at times coaches feeling that somehow they are solely responsible for any results within coaching sessions and they can subconsciously drive the session to these results.

The coach may have an idea of what success means in terms of helping people to move forward to desired outcomes and achievement of goals.

The coaching session will go through different stages of self-inquiry for the client and they will talk about what it is that is bothering them, what they would like to change and what this could mean for them and the bigger impact of change in their life.

When we can truly flow with the client and the session the need for a set outcome can dissolve and we are then working on a very person centered level and allowing the learning for the client to be truly about them and not what we think they should be doing to get results.

The ebb and flow of the coaching session takes on an air of elegance and a rhythm that is unique to the individual we are working with.

We can measure our success as coaches on what results the client is getting and their personal shifts as they go through the process of the session and not on what “we” are looking for as success.

We need to let go of getting it spot on perfect or seeing our value as coach on what we think the client should be achieving but rather see and feel what is presented to us from the people we work with and take on board what they have gained from the experience.

The client will also be letting go within a transformational session.

They will let go of their versions of reality where there life is not serving them any more, let go of limiting beliefs to be replaced with more positive empowering beliefs and also let go of negative behaviors that keep them stuck and unhappy to be replaced with more purposeful ones.

The process of letting go for both the coach and the client is based on trust and rapport within the session.

Allowing the session to unfold naturally without due concern with exactly and how the end result will be.

When you next coach take these ideas into the session and see what happens for both you and your client.

Try and test out in coaching

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When we work with clients regardless of what we are helping them with there will come a time that a lot has been talked about, problems openly shared and a clarity gained on where the client is at in terms of their life goals and what they want from working with you.

First and foremost we need to let the client have the space to discuss what they need to, what is pertinent to them and allow them to talk without needing to change the story or situation.

The nature of this is useful for the client to felt understood, acknowledged and heard.

We then as coaches might need to bring the client back to why they came to coaching in the first place, to keep them on track with what they wanted to change, achieve or create.  Of course as transformational coaches we know that goals shift and more can be revealed during the coaching session.  We also need to be flexible with this happening.

We can then start to help the client move forward towards achievement of what they want for themselves.

This could be in a goal setting approach that brings about actions or a more fluid coaching conversation that creates awareness and more clarity for the client.

Whichever route we take with clients and however we are coaching an important part of the change process is starting to discuss what things would be like or could be like once they have improved or changed.

How will they know things are different? Is it the way they talk to themselves, the impact of this change on others and their relationships and what is the measurement of difference?

The key here is to bring in ownership from the client in how they manage the change, what would be a more resourceful way to be living and the impact in doing things differently.

There can also be an element of testing it out.

You may resonate with the idea that just talking about it isn’t going to change it. Coaching will quite often bring a new clarity into place and sometimes a light bulb moment shows it self within the session. The realization from the client in how they have been living.

When I coach I also want the client to learn from this new awareness and test things out for themselves.

As you may have heard if you always do what you have always done you will always get what you have always got.

In order to get different results you need to do things differently.

The wonder of coaching is that these differences in thinking, actions, and behaviour can then be visited in subsequent sessions with your client to find out what has changed for them? What have they learnt from this and how can this be built upon as a resource to accomplish more of what they want?

The client needs to be at the centre of his or her own development and learning.  Future posts will look at this as key concept to working holistically with clients.

For now don’t be afraid for the client to take responsibility and ownership of their goals and desires.

Coaching into corners

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As a practicing coach, someone with an interest in coaching or for those who just are at the stage of starting with clients and taking those first intrepid steps, I wanted to share what I see is a common challenge in the world of coaching.

Clients will come to a coaching session with their complex lives, beliefs, values and so much more.

This is where coaching can help people to unpick how they are doing things, how they are thinking and behaving and where they are not getting the results that they desire.

So far so good.

Within the art of coaching there are key skills that the practiced coach will need to bring in with client work, which includes simple and purposeful questioning, learning centered listening and holding space for the client to talk about what they need to and what they want to improve or change.

Again this is all good so far.

Where coaches can trip up is by asking too many questions and unpurposeful questions that have no meaning for the client. Also for many there can be the idea that as a coach it is their job to get results, make sure that these can be seen in the session and that any pain or frustration is removed entirely from the clients life.

I remember when I was coached (way back in the dusty old days before coaching had taken on transformational approaches).

I had been trying to work on a hazy goal of getting fitter. I was aware that I was not happy with my lack of fitness in my life and wanted this to change.

Where would coaching have the best impact? In transformational coaching we would firstly find out what getting fitter could mean, how this would impact the client and also what is the stuckness that is preventing them from changing.

There could be a number of reasons for not moving forward according to the client that could include fear of change, fear of rejection, not knowing where to start, impact on time and so much more.

However the coach immediately sprang into action and said how can you get fitter? What can you do? What options do you have to get there? What will you do? And the classic coaching question, what else?

The “what else’ question was fired at me from all angles and I felt hemmed in, unable to move with the coaching spotlight glaring at me from all sides.

I felt coached into a corner with no escape.

Was this useful?

At first take up yes. However after a full round of what else I became increasingly frustrated and dismissive of the coaching process.

The feeling I had was not being helped and supported but rather interrogated into trying to come up with a new way of thinking and possible ways to achieve what I wanted to.

Here is the deal breaker. I didn’t know what else I COULD do!!

This was not useful and I felt that in fact the coach had not understood my pain and frustration but merely wanted to by pass this in order to get to a result for them.

Sometimes what else can be useful but this in my opinion is one of the most overused two words in coaching.

It simply isn’t useful to coach in this way, which can break rapport, lead the client into frustration and get them banging their head against walls trying to come up with options to please the coaches agenda and leave the session with a nice tidy action plan.

What else has its place and this place needs to be worked into a coaching session along with the finding out firstly how the client is operating from their map of the world and what leaves them feeling stuck and unable to operate in the most optimal way for them.

We want to help clients experience the journey and their lives in all their complicated journey, not simply coach them into corners.