Tag Archives: challenge

7 ways to be amazing as a coach

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How do you know you are doing a good job when you are coaching?

This can be a sense or feeling that you get from the responses shown to you by the client.

It could be feedback that you have actively sought from the client in how they have benefited from being coached by you or you may have a variety of ways to ascertain the value you have added to the clients experience and in their life.

I thought today I would share with you 7 ways to be an amazing coach. This is directly from my own experience and I have found these extremely useful in my career

1. Learn your skill

This may sound very obvious but I believe that coaching should be an eloquent, creative expression of who you are through what you do.

This will mean learning the fundaments of coaching in its original form and the subsequent evolution and varied models, applications and theoretical knowledge of coaching. There is also no replacement for practicing what you learn. A life coach-training course will put you in a good position for this first point. Life coaching is not just about setting goals, not giving advice and there are definite cross overs between coaching and counselling.

2. Practice

Again this may sound a little grandma suck eggs! I don’t however mean just in the confines of the coaching session.

I mean to have coaching conversations with people you meet in your daily interactions, this can greatly enhance communication, and people will feel valued and listened to.

Do not have a set outcome from the conversation (unless you desire that) but merely create a shift in how you may have been communicating. This will hone your skill, create an observational quality to how you do what you do and what can stay and what can be changed or adapted.

3. Have a beginners mind

With the massive array of personal development opportunities available in todays society you may come to coaching with a rich plethora of knowledge and experience in moving forward in your own life and helping others.

I would advocate keeping an open mind with anything you learn, adapt what you learn if needs be, take what you want and leave what you don’t and don’t be an expert in the client’s life – they are. You are a facilitator of transformation not the creator and owner of it.

4. Be ok with your own vulnerabilities – be real

You have got to where you are in life through your life experience and knowledge. This does not need to be hidden away in any place that shame can manifest and grow but has uniquely shaped who you are and what you bring to a session.

Through this sense of being real, fallible and authentic you can have a wondrous sense of connection with those that you coach. You don’t need to reveal what you have done or overcome but it will be felt on an intuitive level.

5. Take risks

Through the act of taking risks comes creation, opportunity, growth and movement.

When you embark upon a new venture in your life is the outcome always certain or set in stone?

Do you feel a fear that is present from this dynamic of not knowing? This may be the case but I would say that in order to move forward both with your own life and also client practice you need to jump in and try new things, be open to getting it wrong and being aware of any self depreciating messages that arise in the form of unwanted voices that may tell you that you are not good enough to do this or the job at hand.

6. Be on top of your own learning

How many people do you know that have been on a course where the emotional connection has been real whilst they are in the training room but may be lost in the day to day slug of life afterwards?

A question. How many self-developments books do you own at home that have remained dusty on the shelf?

Learning is an ongoing state whether that be text book learning or through our own life experience.

I strongly advise that you read books (from beginning to end) on coaching, attend inspirational seminars, watch videos and practice. You need to keep on top of developments within the coaching world.  Also prescribe to magazines and coaching journals that will be able to help you in this field.

7. Get support

I do not agree that we need to be a shining example of guru status to be a coach. I believe that we need to be real and this will mean that at times we will also have down days, black clouds and periods of time that we need to get our own support. Whether that be a good talk with a friend over coffee or a more therapeutic intervention that will give us grounding and help us through these periods, I see it is essential to reach out when you need to and in the direction of the right people and places.

Do what you need to do to be amazing.

 

Are you setting your own goals for 2013?

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How would you like to be living your life in 2013?  Do you feel you have choice in this?

It is an interesting self-enquiry question that can ascertain how you perceive yourself and your options.

When a goal setting approach is needed you as a coach will spend a lot of time and energy on helping other people to set goals and create action plans to achieve them.

However you know by now that transformational coaching isn’t this linear and you will use a range of approaches, theories and techniques to facilitate change with the clients you are working with.

One of the biggest issues and concerns with goal setting is that people don’t set goals but merely talk about what it is that they desire in a nebulous way.

Have you thought of what you personally want next year?

There is something to be said for saying this out loud.

Sometimes writing down in a brainstorming way could also be useful without being too formulaic in outcomes or it might be that you do set more structured goals and explore how these could be achieved.

You could do a spot of self-coaching but also how else could you get help to achieve what you want?

Do you have your own coach? I am not saying this is compulsory of course, as you will find what works.

I have worked with a number of coaches myself. Not in terms of coming up with a set and workable action plan but more to gain a different prospective and a greater sense of clarity on what is current in my life and what I would like more of.

I also have seen with clients how there may be a logical understanding of the change that needs to happen but for some reason this isn’t always enough to shift focus and get into action.

Life is a rich tapestry of different areas that mean something to us.

Whether this be love, relationships, fun, career, finances, spirituality, self-growth or other parts of life.

I also see that coaches are generally very good at helping others but sometimes not so great in helping themselves.

I would also like to bring in the idea that if you don’t change what it is that you “say” is not working in your life what is it that you are holding on to or getting from keeping things as they are?

If you were to change, what would you have to deal with or let go of? Whether this inappropriate belief systems, comfort zones or more.

How would this be useful?

I also encourage people to get the right support for themselves to help with transition when needed and depending on the magnitude of the change and impact that this could have in their lives.

Also and with conviction I encourage people to keep things simple.

If something isn’t serving you then change it, if you are not living in accordance with your values then do something about it.

We can come up with a million (or maybe just a few!) excuses why we cant change but if we shifted our attention on we could have instead this may well be a better way of viewing things.

I also (this will be another post) encourage you to start to formulate your own business plan for 2013 in terms of being a coach, change maker or practitioner in helping others to achieve success.

I look forward to staying in touch with you in 2013 and sharing more from the world of personal transformation coaching and hearing what has been working for you.

Bridging gaps in coaching

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In todays post I would like to share my thoughts on the idea of bridging gaps within coaching.

In fact not just in coaching but also other areas for when you work with clients and people who are looking for change and transformation within their life.

A great example of this concept is within personal and romantic relationships.

Many people would say that you have to love yourself before you can love someone else or get into any form of personal relationship.

To make this clear I would like to introduce Mr Do-nothing who to be honest does not value himself very highly, is lacking in confidence and also not very experienced and knowledgeable in matters of the heart.

If you were to say to Mr Do-nothing you “have” to love yourself first before you can get into a relationship imagine the dilemma.

This is a man who has low self esteem (years of bullying at school didn’t help) a man who has few friends or social interaction (not because he doesn’t want to but he has little self confidence)

A man who is crippled with anxiety and depression (at times) but one thing he does know he doesn’t “love” himself. In fact he doesn’t actually like himself very much at all.

From this state to one of loving himself may seem a tall order.

Surely it would be a better approach to help Mr Do-nothing to start to learn to like himself? To create stepping-stones to get further ahead in his life. To start to see himself differently and in more empowering ways than he is currently. We can help our Mr (and Mrs) Do-nothings bridge this gap.

The same concept would apply when we are dealing with performance based coaching. If a staff member is not achieving what the manager requires we need to have an honest approach when working with this individual. They may not be able to turn from low performer to high performer overnight.

We as the coach can bridge the gap in helping them “get better”.

This could be a skills gaps, a confidence boost or motivation, or simply for someone to pay them attention in different ways that could be more empowering and positive.

How can we best motivate others to move forward “towards “optimal living or performance?

We need to support, encourage, challenge and ask purposeful and powerful questions that help our clients think differently. This can be a process of self-discovery for people that come to us for help.

The truth of the matter is that when we coach we need to understand that we may not transform people’s lives in one session (although I am not saying that this cant happen).

What we do is to create a space for exploration and ultimately help people move towards what they desire.

This can be slowly or quickly but will materialize if we work with our clients best intentions at heart and keep this in mind with any coaching sessions that we undertake.

Through our coaching conversations, goal based approaches when required and using our skills and knowledge we can help create a hypothetical bridge from their current state or situation to where they want to be.

It is our role as change creators to allow this to happen for the people we work with.

10 key questions to kick start your coaching

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For those in the know and for those who are interested in the field of coaching one of the key parts of gaining results and helping people to fundamentally transform their lives will be asking simple and purposeful questions.

There isn’t a rulebook of questions that needs to be adhered to or a cheats guide in how to do this.

Once you have established rapport with a client, built on the trust that is on going and essential for coaching to be useful you will need to then work with the client in establishing an arena for change and what they want to gain from working with you.

I have put together 10 key questions that are simple to deliver, purposeful in their aim and allow the client to reflect on what they would like to see change in their life and also lead into further questioning.

Also and very importantly it allows the client to feel the impact of what your coaching could give them in positive ways.

What area of your life causes you the most frustration?

Coaching is best served at the level of most impact, which is where life isn’t “working” for the client, where they might feel stuck or not sure where to go next and how you as the coach can help.

What do you have some of that you would like more of?

This question hones in on the positive aspects of the clients life, it also allows time for them to reflect on how gaining more of the “good stuff” could be useful for them.

If this time next year nothing had changed in your life how would that be for you?

The idea is that people sometimes will resist change (even though things can get bad for them) and by looking at the consequences of not changing this can be a start in the client taking responsibility for how they could be doing things better or differently

If you were operating at your best what could change for you?

Again this looks at the impact of change, utilising resources and the client stepping into their full potential

What do you need to start taking responsibility for your life?

This is a direct and provocative question that can seem quite challenging. The idea sitting behind it is one of ownership. The coaching relationship is about empowerment and bringing about an adult communication, which will frequently produce an element of the client taking responsibility for their choices and actions or indeed non-action. i.e. not doing.

Is there anything in your life that you really want that no one yet knows?

Quite often the very nature of coaching allows the client an unspoken permission to share what they truly desire, what they are passionate about and what they would love to have – even though they may dismiss it as being rather silly or unimportant

What is stopping you living the life you really want?

This is a key exploratory question that can bring up all sorts of answers from the client. It then starts to create a picture of what they see is their problem, whether that be old and withered beliefs that are still hanging on or other key areas that are limiting the client

Imagine you were living the life you want to, what would be in it?

This is bringing in a hypothetical approach to coaching. This can often bypass the negativity that I am sure you know too well and that can surface in coaching sessions with clients and in ordinary conversations of course!

If you were name one thing that gets in your way what is this?

This narrows the focus of the mind, allows the client to get clarity and get focused, which of course can then be built up on and opened up again – this is especially useful for a client who just sees everything as always awful.

Knowing what you know about yourself what are you overlooking that could be useful?

This is an interesting question, it also positions the client as the expert in their life (which of course they are) it will either give you a real insight from the client in how they see themselves or may throw up more to work with – either way it creates a great opportunity for coaching to happen!

This list is not a compulsive tick box approach to coaching and is not exhaustive.

The main part of questions is that they are purposeful, simple and with intention on finding out more from the client.

Good luck and would be great to hear how you get on…

Transformational updates from the world of coaching

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Someone asked me recently how has coaching changed recently? this was a great question.

Rather than keep this secret or I thought it would be useful to share my experience with you all.

Coaching is using the GROW model

The coaching world has shifted, changed and should now be brought up to date. The complexities of peoples goals will not always fit into the GROW model, There is so much more to coaching than just GROW, Somatic coaching, Cognitive behavioral coaching, Transactional analysis, Gestalt Coaching and NLP to name a few.

Coaching is all about goal setting

This is simply not true. Coaching is about helping someone understand what is holding them back and where the stuckness is before you move forward to what they want to change and achieve and it is not useful to ask how will you do that? too quickly in a session.

Coaching is VERY different to counseling

Again, this is untrue. There are many cross over areas. Holding space for a client, allowing them to talk about what it is that they want to without judgement, emotional issues, interpersonal relationships, negative cycles of behavior and also compulsive behaviors and much more can be effectively worked with in the coaching relationship.

You never give advice in coaching

Why would you not? If it is blended with a coaching approach, i.e. open and hypothetical questions, client centered listening, reflection, clarification, feedback and more how is giving advice a problem? There is no point in a client banging their head against a brick wall trying to find the answer. This is not useful.

You need to know exactly what the client wants to work on

Part of being a truly exceptional coach is trusting your intuition, not knowing and taking risks, bringing about a general sense of curiosity for the clients view of their world, connecting with them, creating trust, building rapport and challenging them. Also helping them to create a new way of life. Also a truly skilled coach will not need the comfort zone attached to a set direction to coach in before the session.

You MUST be free of your own issues before you can coach.

Is this setting up yourself as needing to be perfect? Is this not the issue with clients thinking they have to be? Why would you do this also?

It is true that you need to be in the best state and space to coach congruently and with best impact. This does not mean that you have to be an enlightened guru with no issues or life challenges.

You can’t make money from coaching.

Why not? Coaching can be extremely lucrative and can far outweigh the hourly rate that you might get in an office environment. Coaches will charge different amounts but also they wouldn’t need to be a conveyor belt of productivity. You wouldn’t coach for 8 hours a day for example.

This is not the total list but I hope it brings you up to date with some of the areas of coaching that can have the most impact for a client and may start to shift your own thinking.

Challenging within coaching

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I was recently coaching someone who felt that they kept falling into the same types of personal relationships.

From this initial conversation and according to what she said the end result was that she wanted more clarity in doing things differently and also wanted to work on the next steps involved.

In some traditional coaching methods used this could be deemed as the way to focus the session with a high concentration on what can you do about this? What are the best steps towards the end result? And how will this be achieved?

STOP…. Take a step back.

Why is the client not able to get clarity herself? What about the next steps? What is the challenge in the client coming up with these by her self?

It really is a simple equation.

Someone wants to change but they aren’t… so what is stopping them?

Unless we focus on what “isn’t” happening it will make no difference to the end result, regardless of how wonderful the new option of living could be for them.

It is true to say that you can look at the bolder, brighter version of how they could be living but in my experience this simply may not be enough.

Transformation comes at the level of self-awareness and inner reflection from the client. Unless they can understand the impact of what they are doing or not doing and the results they are getting or not as the case may be they will not be willing to let go of how it currently is which will clear the path for them to move forward.

People do what they do (or don’t do) for a reason.

I will take a risk here, one that is worth taking.

How many of you reading this find yourself in patterns of behaviour that you are unhappy with?

Be that continually dieting, procrastination, falling for the same relationships with the same types of people ( and wondering how that happened!, in a job that you say to others that you cant stand? in fact I am sure there are many more situations and the above is not exhaustive.

Very simply I ask you why are you doing this? If I said to you right now you could have anything you want to have without restrictions would you be happy?

People do what they do for a reason, even thought this may not be initially clear.

The process of transformational coaching will help someone understand how he or she could be creating his or her own life dramas and stories based on the view that there is no choice! What a complex race we are.

Is this comfortable for people to be presented with, to face up to their life and take ownership for it? Possibly not

The power and simplicity comes  – and believe me when I say this from being able to hold someone to account.

Challenging is a crucial part of purposeful and client centred coaching. As a coach it is your responsibility to help create a new of being for the client and this could involve a certain level of emotional discomfort for the client.

I have seen many times people allowing emotions to surface. This isn’t always tears and regrets, but stubbornness, frustration and a general barricading of what they are so desperately holding on to and yet at the same time wanting to let go of.

Here is when your personable skills come in, your empathy, sense of connection and presence with the client.

Above all you want to loosen up the clients view and self-perpetual cycles of discontent by asking simple and yet challenging questions in what you hear and what you feel intuitively and what is being shown to you in the session.

Does coaching help people move forward? Yes

Do people always move forward willingly and without a fight in giving up how they have been living even with negative results? No

It is not only your role but a requirement of good coaching to challenge when you need to within a session.

Give it a go your client may just thank you for it!