Going beyond the growing edge

Mar 5, 2013 by Paul Kensett

I thought today how could I express this week what is very key to me but also what I consider a lot of people face in their daily lives and interactions with others.

The idea I came up with is that of going beyond your growing edge.

The leap of faith, the stepping into the arena, the moment of letting go completely and trusting that not only will you be “ok” but that you can flourish in the world and live in your fullest potential.

I believe that people can stay safe with what is going on around them and there can be a certain comfort in this but I also believe that in order to shift things into a different realm of not just reality but consciousness there needs to be a point of taking a risk.

The leaping without the net, the going with the heart that beats with encouragement and persuasion but can be held back by fear and what ifs.

The what ifs are often based on past events that have no place in the present. It is true to say that at one time these uncomfortable events may have felt real and solidified in your psyche.

Later when presented with an opportunity these events raise their head and bellow in your ear – REMEMBER ME!!

Well here is the thing.

To acknowledge the voice and the messages contained within it but not buy into it and create a reality from what is merely an illusion.

Where once you may not have coped. Take a look round at your environment and the people in it.

What has changed?

Change of course is certain and this can be on a daily basis. We cannot foresee the future and what exists within it but what we can do is imagine what we would like which works on a subconscious level to start to shift towards it, and also take a look at what we have right now in our world that is positive and whole.

What are you being grateful for today?

Trust is paramount to making this happen.

Trust in the process
Trust in others
Trust in a higher energy or power
Trust yourself
Trust that even if it doesn’t work out you will be ok

Trust is the antidote of fear and fear cannot exist in the arena of trust.

I like to use the idea of a growing edge. The stepping outside of the comfort zone (that probably isn’t that comfortable).

Within our own lives we can do this.

As a coach I have created a safe space for people to express what they want, what they would prefer and encourage them to take the first step.

This may seem and feel scary for people but knowing that I am a support system that is based on an authentic relationship has helped my clients gain amazing results.

The question is how are you helping people go beyond there growing edge.

Are you the net in that person’s life, the safety mechanisms that means that they wont try or will you encourage them to take a leap of faith beyond what they think they know?

entertaining uncertainty

Feb 22, 2013 by Paul Kensett

Todays post will look at the idea of being able to go into a coaching session with clients with an air of uncertainty and not knowing.

This can be a very challenging concept for some to be able to coach clients on this level, which enables a fluid exchange with no fixed agenda in place.

Coaches can in my experience feel far more confident if there is a set outcome and the coach as a practitioner can bring to the session tools and techniques that can be used in the session and with the client.

There is a strong argument for a models based approach to coaching that puts the coach in charge of the session in some way which can mean that they can use these models to facilitate learning.

There is also a developing approach and ethos of the relationship being the most purposeful core dynamic of the coaching session.

Within this relationship exists a connection that by passes the need to have all the answers or to get it right but will allow an authentic development of rapport and nurture for your client and the issues they bring to work on.

I like the idea of not just acknowledging the expanses in time and energy within a session that there is a not knowing from you as the coach but more of an active attempt to embrace and engage with these uncertainties.

Alan Watt in the The Wisdom of Insecurity suggests there are a few very key elements to this.

We live in an age of unprecedented anxiety. We respond by chasing after security, hoping that the right relationship, a loving family or a better job will make the worry disappear.

Yet in fact there is an argument that the struggle to feel secure is the very thing that causes the anxiety.

What does this mean in practice?

We can help clients set goals, accomplish great things, move ahead in there lives both professionally and personally which is done with grace, expertise and knowledge.

This is the progression part of coaching but we also need to allow people to sit in the space of not knowing, not trying to work it out and have an answer for everything.

It is in this space that there can be great shifts of reflective understanding with out an active enforcement for the understanding to take place.

It just happens without trying to be moulded or shaped but simply experienced on a different level of knowing that can by pass how are you going to change but allows people to experience the present moment with a new vision and clarity.

Many coaches from traditional performance based approaches will not allow adequate space and time for this to happen.

I believe that when we coach clients we don’t want to just be aware of this level of uncertainty but embrace it and entertain it.

Makes friends with it, allow it to dance and been seen and above all don’t be frightened of it.

After all how can we be frightened of what we don’t know?

coaching relationships an introduction

Feb 15, 2013 by Paul Kensett

In this post I though I would put a spin on things. I have shared extensively in previous posts from the coaches viewpoint and prospective within coaching.

Today I would like to share my own thoughts backed up by available research on coaching relationships.

Before I begin I would like to talk about a few pertinent points.

There has been in recent times research on the quality of the coaching relationship itself and with our clients whilst we are coaching.

A fascinating exploration on these areas and in relation to coaching relationships comes from Erik De Haan and Charlotte Skills in Coaching relationships, the relational coaching field book, 2012, Libri Publishing.

There are stated pillars of appreciation from the “coach” in respect of the relationship with the client.

Human beings are deeply motivated to be in relationship with others, so part of what we (client and coach) anticipate from this relationship might be to repeat our other relationships (outside of the coaching arena) and ideally to create better ones, both within and outside the coaching space.
All content of coaching can be seen as relational, i.e. clients are continually, even if subliminally, linking relationships elsewhere (real and imagined) to this relationship
This coaching relationship is worth exploring at all times for, the learning contained within it.
This coaching relationship is worth strengthening (in the eyes of the client)

So what does this mean in practice?

I believe a great deal of coaches will focus on themselves as the facilitator of change within the coaching session.

This may be models based coaching which uses a range of coaching models that can be “used” within the coaching session, performance based approaches with smart goals and step-by-step action plans in how to reach them.

The world of coaching has also seen recent applications from neuropsychology, positive psychology, gestalt, narrative and brief coaching and also therapeutic approaches from person centred theory, TA, NLP and so much more.

This is all wonderful material for future posts and learning but what sits at the core of these approaches, theories and applications within the coaching session?

The relationship with the client. This is over and above anything that you as a coach “do” within the session.

Core components of this relationship I believe are:

Curiosity

To really understand the client and step inside their worlds with an air of unknowing, not needing to be right or know how to help the client but with an open minded acceptance for the client and their beliefs, values, drivers and motivators.

To let them talk before being talked too.

Tailoring and flexibility

As a coach we need to be flexible with our approaches that fit the client and not what we feel we should do and have within the session. That isn’t to say that we cant impart knowledge and useful avenues of exploration but we need to remain mindful that coaching is not a rigid format and recipe for helping clients but a fluid exchange that ebbs and flows within the session led by the client and their desires.

Outside factors.

When we coach we do so at the level of best impact and purpose with the client. Whatever that means to them. A great deal of revelations and learning will be put into practice and absorbed not within the coaching session itself but in the clients own world outside of the coaching space. When they are out living their lives and interacting in relationship with others.

We need to assess this and see how that could be for them but also allow them to experience a full richness of experience in their own lives, good and bad.

Hope and trust

Hope is another key energy and driver that allows such wonderful results in coaching. The client will come to the session wanting to change something integral to them and this sense of hope that things can be changed, improved and get better can be contained and worked with in a session

Trust is paramount within a session and this needs to be built, maintained and paid close attention to from the very first interaction with your client.

The above is not set in stone and there are many other wonderful viewpoints to come, which will take coaching beyond a normal goal setting, and models based interaction.

I am very excited about the new world of coaching and the fascinating landscapes still to explore.

For now when you next coach don’t think of the quality of the coaching and question but think of the quality of the relationship itself.

Good luck and do feel free to share your stories and comments.

Heart and Mind connections

Feb 6, 2013 by Paul Kensett

I was thinking today how when you deal with clients and help them to work on their goals and achievements that a large proportion in whether they are successful or not wont always be in the actions that can materialize from the session or the coach setting them home work and structuring the session.

The big shifts that can occur within a coaching session some of those deeper ah ha moments can be a linking up and connection between feelings and thoughts from the client.

On a logical level people will (with the help from you as their coach) be able to change thought patterns, which are also known as cognitions, and start to bring about some change from thinking differently and more positively.

This can be very useful for clients to start the shift process forward and closer to the goal that they desire.

I would also like to mention the psychological level of change that can have a remarkable effect on us and can drive our actions, behaviors and results. The mind and body are parts of the same unique system that influence us and the we function in the world.

What we think we can feel, what we feel adds to our thoughts. It can be a cycle in which one feeds off the other.

Think of this. How many times have you been thinking negatively, seeing everything as doom or gloom and dramatizing what is currently a problem in your life?

How are you feeling?

Now think of a time when you have felt happy and hopeful. How do the thoughts differ? What are you saying to yourself and how are you viewing others?

What has happened that has created a more positive shift? Could it be how you are “perceiving” a situation?

This theory has been tried and tested in many a therapeutic setting including therapies and interventions from an approach of helping the client move out of what they don’t want and towards what they do the process can be sometimes quickly and sometimes slowly but with your support and holding space for an individual they can trust the process of change.

It is the connection between thought and feelings (cognitions and emotions / physiology) that can start to re shape your perception of an event and help navigate forward into a heightened positivity.

This can be a revelation to a client and if we can go into a session not as a task master or instigator of action but being a mindful watcher of the clients physiological responses to the questions we ask, we can create a deep connection that is far more powerful than what do you want and how are you going to do it?

We also want to be mindful of overdoing the feelings element of coaching. How does that make you feel may be a good question but so often I hear this overused and actually this has not been useful for some clients who are more head based thinkers.

Not all people will be emotionally led and will operate from a thought-based perspective.

When we coach, we need to do so at the level of best impact.

We need to step inside the client’s world with an explorers mind and collaborative essence that is about the client and not about our agenda or sensory preference.

How does that make you feel could be replaced by tell me how that is for you?

By allowing someone to open up and experience life through a glorious multi coloured filter that wont be always feelings based can have powerful results and the links can be fused between the feelings and thoughts.

There are no set questions but we want to bridge the gap between where they are and where they want to be.

A wonderful saying from Viktor Frankl

“Man is not fully conditioned and determined but rather determines himself whether he gives in to conditions or stands up to them.”

To me this is being aware of our condition both physically and mentally and having the freedom of choice to change it.

Your role as a coach is to allow the client to see and feel this choice.

How to help clients take conscious action

Jan 29, 2013 by Paul Kensett

When you are coaching there will be times that it may feel that you are going round in circles trying to help clients move forward with their goals and actions.

Sometimes it may feel that you are struggling for ideas in how to help them in this area.

I thought I would share with you my thoughts on this and what could be useful in the coaching session.

A very simple question is what is the resistance? Whether that be a direct question to the client or an internalized curiosity for you as the coach that can lead you into the clients map of their world

The resistance could be in many areas and evidenced.

Whether this be on not completing actions that have been identified within the coaching session, a sudden block in the flow of communication or not wanting to talk about certain things that through identifying and observing shifts in their physiology and language itself show that there is a pertinent issue that is not being addressed.

So here are some questions and tips to help.

What area of your life causes you the most frustration?
What are you avoiding right now that could help you move forward?
How would it be for you if nothing changed in your life?
What needs to be in place for you to change?
What could you be overlooking that could help you?
If you weren’t trying to think, how do you feel right now knowing what you know?
What one thing could you do to from today to help you move forward?
How would that be helpful?
How easy is it for you to ask for help and support?
If nothing stood in your way what would be different?
Who else could benefit by your new way of thinking and feeling?
Tell me about a time that you have achieved what you wanted – how was that?
How bad do things need to get for you before you choose to do anything differently?
Tell me about your ideal day with no worries or concerns
If I gave you a million pounds would that create the change that you desire?
What positive parts of yourself do people not know about?

These questions are not set in stone and as you will know by now there is not a perfect question to ask in any given place. These will lead into the clients world and how they are giving meaning to a current situation

The key to asking questions and other useful applications is

Keep them simple

Do not fire questions at the client but do allow for space for processing and self-enquiry in what is causing them frustration but also where changing their mind-set can be helpful and the positive outcomes that this could create.

Challenge

Don’t be afraid to challenge when it is appropriate on the level of limiting beliefs, patterns of behavior, in congruency between what they say and what they show (body language)

Open up don’t close down

Use open questions, what, why, how, where, when, who

Creatively allow them to by pass self-created obstacles.

What could this be like, Imagine if, If everything is as exactly as you want it to be what would that be like for you?

Curiosity behind the question

Rather than a set and static outcome coaching allows a questioning interaction that utilizes a sense of curiosity. The client is an expert in his or her own life (even though they may not be seeing it)

Courage and taking risks

Do try something new, whether that be a model or a theory that you have learnt but a big tip is believe that it can and will work. The client is not broken

Flexibility is key

Are you going to have an exploratory coaching session with information gathering and opening up or more of an active task based approach. This will depend on whom you are coaching and what subject matter is being presented to you. Do you need to change the focus of your coaching approach?

Be yourself and authentic

This may sound simple but being you is key to the coaching exchange. You are not the benchmark for the client but rather a facilitator of creative change.

However you work as coach and whatever methods you choose enjoy the experience! Do take risks, be creative, be bold, and apply what you know

transformation in work and life

Jan 25, 2013 by Paul Kensett

In an organisational context transformation is a process of profound and radical change that orients an organisation in a new direction and takes it to an entirely different level of effectiveness.

Unlike turnaround (which implies implies incremental progress on the same plane) transformation implies a basic change of character and little or no resemblance with the past configuration or structure.

*http://www.businessdictionary.com/definition/transformation.html

There are also key elements here that can be applied to our personal lives.

Firstly and importantly there are clear similarities between how people operate in the environment of an office and in there own lives.

So what are these key cross over areas?

Transformation has a certain level of permanency which in is very nature is different to change.

When people decide to make shifts in their own life or of a more general approach in the workplace there is a process that happens. This is known as the trans theoretical change model. Let us look at this and as we do maybe you can apply this to your own life.

Pre contemplation: when it is beyond our awareness that anything needs to change. We may be quite happily (or not) plodding along .The don’t know what you don’t know stage of being and thinking.

Contemplation: When we start to want to change whether that be in the way that we work and interact with people or something more selective and poignant for ourselves in our own life we then contemplate the change.

At this stage there is a self-enquiry as to what isn’t happening for us and what we would prefer things to be like. Things may be so bad that we are forced to look at the situation we are in and can now start to believe that the grass is greener and there must be a better way.

There can also be a passage of time in which many pros and cons are weighed up in what the change would bring and alter in both positive and negative ways.

Preparation: Clearing the decks, setting your house in order and getting ready for the change ahead and the work that is needed in order to make it happen.

We then move into action. In order for things to change it simply isn’t good enough or effective to think about the change. There needs to be an active movement towards creating a pathway and steps to what we want that is aligned with our values, that creates an energy shift and new direction.

We are being active in our own progress and doing not just being.

One of the most important stages of change is then the maintenance stage of the cycle.

You may have started to do things differently, work more effectively and generally be in a different place, which creates a noticing of this change in our lives.

In popular terms it is said that a habit takes 21 days to be embedded within our sub conscious. Whether this is true or whether it takes longer than this it needs to be maintained, worked with and support gained to increase the change to a level of permanency which could also be seen as positive transformation.

When people do not maintain the cycle at this level there can be what is known as a relapse, Back to how things were and the negativity that can rise from this point can set people back.

I also believe there could be shame and guilt thrown in. An inner critical parent that gives us a hard time for not keeping things moving.

People will then either give up and return to old ways or pick up the reigns and get moving again. Back on the horse.

I would also like to mention support at this juncture. We need to trust ourselves and we need to be able to trust others to show the support that we need in alter to transform our lives. Whether than be from our direct managers and peers or key people in our lives that we can share with and talk to. Some may need this more than others but to ask for help when we need it is crucial to maintaining the cycle of change.

The coaching framework is a great nurturing ground for this cycle to be looked at on every level and touch point.

The nature of the empathetic relationship between coach and client or peer can have a remarkable effect on the individual, congruently starting to shift perspective, create new ideas and strategies and also marked steps to reach the desired end goal.

I believe that within organisational structures there needs to be an open dialogue about the frustrations people feel and what the change could bring and how it can benefit not only the individual but also the impact in house on work related issues and concerns.

It is not effective to simply focus on the end result and how this can be reached in typical performance based coaching interactions.

People are emotive beings and if we can adjust to this and allow this to unfold and at the same time have a clear end outcome to strive towards we can help to create transformational shifts for people with empowering and long lasting results.

7 ways to be amazing as a coach

Jan 9, 2013 by Paul Kensett

How do you know you are doing a good job when you are coaching?

This can be a sense or feeling that you get from the responses shown to you by the client.

It could be feedback that you have actively sought from the client in how they have benefited from being coached by you or you may have a variety of ways to ascertain the value you have added to the clients experience and in their life.

I thought today I would share with you 7 ways to be an amazing coach. This is directly from my own experience and I have found these extremely useful in my career

1. Learn your skill

This may sound very obvious but I believe that coaching should be an eloquent, creative expression of who you are through what you do.

This will mean learning the fundaments of coaching in its original form and the subsequent evolution and varied models, applications and theoretical knowledge of coaching. There is also no replacement for practicing what you learn. A life coach-training course will put you in a good position for this first point. Life coaching is not just about setting goals, not giving advice and there are definite cross overs between coaching and counselling.

2. Practice

Again this may sound a little grandma suck eggs! I don’t however mean just in the confines of the coaching session.

I mean to have coaching conversations with people you meet in your daily interactions, this can greatly enhance communication, and people will feel valued and listened to.

Do not have a set outcome from the conversation (unless you desire that) but merely create a shift in how you may have been communicating. This will hone your skill, create an observational quality to how you do what you do and what can stay and what can be changed or adapted.

3. Have a beginners mind

With the massive array of personal development opportunities available in todays society you may come to coaching with a rich plethora of knowledge and experience in moving forward in your own life and helping others.

I would advocate keeping an open mind with anything you learn, adapt what you learn if needs be, take what you want and leave what you don’t and don’t be an expert in the client’s life – they are. You are a facilitator of transformation not the creator and owner of it.

4. Be ok with your own vulnerabilities – be real

You have got to where you are in life through your life experience and knowledge. This does not need to be hidden away in any place that shame can manifest and grow but has uniquely shaped who you are and what you bring to a session.

Through this sense of being real, fallible and authentic you can have a wondrous sense of connection with those that you coach. You don’t need to reveal what you have done or overcome but it will be felt on an intuitive level.

5. Take risks

Through the act of taking risks comes creation, opportunity, growth and movement.

When you embark upon a new venture in your life is the outcome always certain or set in stone?

Do you feel a fear that is present from this dynamic of not knowing? This may be the case but I would say that in order to move forward both with your own life and also client practice you need to jump in and try new things, be open to getting it wrong and being aware of any self depreciating messages that arise in the form of unwanted voices that may tell you that you are not good enough to do this or the job at hand.

6. Be on top of your own learning

How many people do you know that have been on a course where the emotional connection has been real whilst they are in the training room but may be lost in the day to day slug of life afterwards?

A question. How many self-developments books do you own at home that have remained dusty on the shelf?

Learning is an ongoing state whether that be text book learning or through our own life experience.

I strongly advise that you read books (from beginning to end) on coaching, attend inspirational seminars, watch videos and practice. You need to keep on top of developments within the coaching world. Also prescribe to magazines and coaching journals that will be able to help you in this field.

7. Get support

I do not agree that we need to be a shining example of guru status to be a coach. I believe that we need to be real and this will mean that at times we will also have down days, black clouds and periods of time that we need to get our own support. Whether that be a good talk with a friend over coffee or a more therapeutic intervention that will give us grounding and help us through these periods, I see it is essential to reach out when you need to and in the direction of the right people and places.

Do what you need to do to be amazing.

Getting over procrastination

Dec 31, 2012 by Paul Kensett

I will start this post with a question

What are you avoiding that you know would benefit you in your life?

Within my own experience as a transformational coach I have heard from clients in how they are resisting moving forward in certain areas and yet will happily do so in other aspects of their life that may not have such an impact.

Procrastination is not a unique dilemma and it causes many people a lot of frustration

The question is

Why do people procrastinate?

This could bring about a variety of answers and of course will be contextual to the individual coming to you for coaching and help. I will share my thoughts here and would love to hear your comments and for you to share your own experience on this subject.

Firstly I believe that procrastination goes somewhat deeper than we might first assume.

Why would people avoid doing what they often know would move them forward, create positive change and help shape their futures in transformational ways.

There could be number of reasons

Fear

Fear of being caught out, judged, reprimanded, told off for doing a bad job ,being anything less than perfect, being vulnerable and so much more.

Quite often these are childhood scripts and belief systems that have been picked up and added to in our own development.

Maybe a script of being perfect, don’t be seen or don’t be successful could be playing out which underlies the stuck feelings and procrastination.

Enjoyment

I think that people will generally (and this is a generalisation) spend time doing what they enjoy, what is easiest and what does not raise an emotional reaction from them.

Why would people spend time doing something they don’t want to and raises uncomfortable feelings? – whatever the reason.

Pay offs

When people don’t change and keep themselves where they are, what could they be gaining from this?

Although the behaviour / action or lack of action is not serving people on a conscious level it may well be serving them on a more subconscious platform.

They are possibly getting something from “not doing”

Sometimes people’s values are also beneath the surface or their procrastination.

For example you have a person – lets call him Mr Jones (keeping it simple) who knows that he would love to give a public speech on a topic close to his heart and in fact has the opportunity to do so.

A large audience would be there to see him, a guaranteed coverage from a well known tabloid and an opening of doors that would enhance his career and general financial state.

And yet Mr Jones leaves the preparation until the last minute, he does everything else that won’t help (watching catch up tv, going on the Internet, re arranging his furnishings, talking to his cat) and generally avoiding!

What he might be getting is a feeling of being safe, built into this is fear of “making a mistake” and being seen to “not be good at his job”.. That is far worse in his mind.

The end result is that Mr Jones avoids doing the necessary work involved or leaves it to the last minute – when the pressure is on …

The adrenaline is pumping and he is putting “himself” under pressure. It could also be a sense of control. The end result is not 100% tangible and can not yet be seen or felt.

Why would people trust in something that has no certain outcome? I believe that trust plays a large part in why people stop themselves moving forward.

Lack of trust in others, lack of trust in themselves.

After all who can they rely on?

I will also briefly introduce the self saboteur.

The person who will create drama and anguish for themselves , where in fact there is none.

I have often seen how people before a big event will stay up late, go out drinking, get tired, get unwell and will cancel at the last minute to avoid being seen or ….(fill in the gap)

There are many reasons why people procrastinate…I would like you to question your own motives and of course bring this into alignment to the clients you work with.

Get beneath procrastination not beaten by it. Do share your own stories and comments below.

Developing yourself as a coach

Dec 27, 2012 by Paul Kensett

With the merriment of Christmas now slowly sinking into by gone 2012 and with 2013 ripe around the corner I wanted to share something in the world of coaching that is close to my heart.

I believe that coaching is not just a skill set but also an art form that requires various approaches to be developed into a congruent, person centred and powerful transformational process.

When you learnt to be a “coach” you may have attended a life-coaching course, read books to help in asking questions and on the fundaments of coaching, watched videos and listened to podcasts on the ever increasing world of coaching and its applications and created your own learning in honing your skills as a coach.

To master a skill takes time but also a need exists for you to be on top of your own development.

Within a life coach-training course there is limited time to learn new models, skills and approaches that will need to be practiced out in the world and with clients.

There are a huge variety or approaches within the new world coach that encompasses areas from the worlds of therapy and personal development.

Coaching, as we know by now is not a simple goal setting approach using the out-dated GROW model but is a fluid fusion of skills and techniques that put the client at the very heart of the relationship.

Drawn from the worlds of Cognitive Behavioural coaching, Neuro Linguistic Programming, Transactional Analysis, Gestalt, Somatic coaching and existential theory the coaching tool kit has never been so full.

The challenge here for new coaches and old hat coaches alike is to continue to learn, keep their coaching tools clean and sharp and also remember what tools do which job.

This takes time, energy and practice.

I also believe that a high emotional intelligence is required in order to do the best job possible and part of this will be to get the correct and right amount of support for you as an individual helping others.

This could be to get a coach for your own goals and needs, enlist the help of a mentor within the field of coaching, gain professional development by attending courses, seminars and workshops.

I also advocate getting emotional support when needed to address deeper underlying concerns that will give you clarity on who you are and what you bring to clients in a fully focused and congruent way.

There are a myriad of books on coaching and self-development.

I encourage that you read up on new best practice, strive to keep reading and take what you want and leave the rest.

We can absorb only a small proportion of the huge amount of information that is given to us on a daily basis and through natural ways of filtering information it may not be possible to become a self help / coaching guru but you will indeed resonate with key parts of books that have emotional meaning for you.

I would also say that no matter how good your skills as a coach are, you also (if required) need to learn about business.

It is fantastic to help people accomplish their dreams but maybe a self-enquiry as to the real reasons you want to do what you do is also useful (Maybe invest in some coaching too)

Have you thought about how much money you would like to make from your coaching?

The key to being a successful coach is to determine what success means to you and creating a vision and plan to obtain this.

Also, we don’t stop learning and with the world of coaching expanding constantly it is up to you to step into your fullest potential.

I wish you every success for 2013 and look forward to connecting with you and sharing more from the world of Transformational Coaching.

Reviewing the past

Dec 19, 2012 by Paul Kensett

After a busy weekend of coach training and coaching my own clients I wanted to share my thoughts on helping people look at their lives in more positive ways.

A large part of coaching is to ascertain from the client that we are working with what they would like to achieve as an end goal or outcome, which of course will be based on the future.

When people are not moving forward in their lives in the way they want to there can be a great deal of resistance based on the way that they view their past.

This can cover a multitude of areas that can include, limiting beliefs that have been adopted from parenting, culture, religion, experience, media and much more.

It can also include rules for living or scripts that have also been created early in childhood by parenting and other areas and also that get added to within our proceeding developmental stages of growing up.

Within various areas of personal development and certainly within some therapeutic settings there is a great deal of looking at the past and examining parental relationships that have impacted us, and the way we might live today.

This can be a lengthy process and can also feel at times that things are not changing but going round in circles without a clear end in sight.

I am not saying that this is not useful for some people but how do we also look at the past in a more positive light that can help us move forward to what we desire with more confidence and resilience?

Also and importantly how can we help our clients make sense of things and see themselves in a more positive light when according to them they cant move forward?

In my experience the following has been very useful to allow for this to happen.

Go into a session with a strong understanding that the client is not broken
Be aware that the client will come with their “version” of reality that may not be based on fact or reality
Don’t buy into their story but simply listen to their version of events
Keep an eye out for changes in physiology that can give an indication on their filters and map of the world
Listen intently to the clients language and words that can hold important clues to how they are seeing things with their own internal representations of events that could have been filtered by deleting information, distorting what has happened and generalising where they could be seeing things as negative and with a tinge of doom and gloom
Hold space that allows for them to speak without judgement from you
Know that you are not there to fix the client but rather allow for honest and open conversations
When the time is right do start to loosen up their maps with curiosity and use a simple and person centred approach in doing so
Ask purposeful questions that have meaning for the client and what they bring to you to work on and improve
Do not feel that you have to rush to an end result
Be clear, confident and concise and if needs be get out of your own way and allow the session to unfold
Keep things on track by checking in where you are within the session in relation to why they are there with you in the first place

The past can be a great place for when people have accomplished success however small it may seem for the client.

A good question to ask yourself is

Do I need to be more focused and task orientated or more exploratory with this client?

Above all do not be afraid for the past to surface when it needs to and keep it simple.

Personal Transformation Coaching Blog

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