Monthly Archives: September 2012

Letting go

by
Reply

Today I was sitting thinking about coaching and some of the challenges that coaches face when they work with clients. Not just this but also the challenges that clients will bring to a session to work with their coach on.

One thing that struck me was the concept of letting go.

In many areas of self and personal development the idea of letting go is widely used and recognized.

I would like to take this opportunity to share my own ideas of what this could mean within the world of coaching.

This is two fold – firstly for the coach and also for the client.

I have noticed at times coaches feeling that somehow they are solely responsible for any results within coaching sessions and they can subconsciously drive the session to these results.

The coach may have an idea of what success means in terms of helping people to move forward to desired outcomes and achievement of goals.

The coaching session will go through different stages of self-inquiry for the client and they will talk about what it is that is bothering them, what they would like to change and what this could mean for them and the bigger impact of change in their life.

When we can truly flow with the client and the session the need for a set outcome can dissolve and we are then working on a very person centered level and allowing the learning for the client to be truly about them and not what we think they should be doing to get results.

The ebb and flow of the coaching session takes on an air of elegance and a rhythm that is unique to the individual we are working with.

We can measure our success as coaches on what results the client is getting and their personal shifts as they go through the process of the session and not on what “we” are looking for as success.

We need to let go of getting it spot on perfect or seeing our value as coach on what we think the client should be achieving but rather see and feel what is presented to us from the people we work with and take on board what they have gained from the experience.

The client will also be letting go within a transformational session.

They will let go of their versions of reality where there life is not serving them any more, let go of limiting beliefs to be replaced with more positive empowering beliefs and also let go of negative behaviors that keep them stuck and unhappy to be replaced with more purposeful ones.

The process of letting go for both the coach and the client is based on trust and rapport within the session.

Allowing the session to unfold naturally without due concern with exactly and how the end result will be.

When you next coach take these ideas into the session and see what happens for both you and your client.

Try and test out in coaching

by
Reply

When we work with clients regardless of what we are helping them with there will come a time that a lot has been talked about, problems openly shared and a clarity gained on where the client is at in terms of their life goals and what they want from working with you.

First and foremost we need to let the client have the space to discuss what they need to, what is pertinent to them and allow them to talk without needing to change the story or situation.

The nature of this is useful for the client to felt understood, acknowledged and heard.

We then as coaches might need to bring the client back to why they came to coaching in the first place, to keep them on track with what they wanted to change, achieve or create.  Of course as transformational coaches we know that goals shift and more can be revealed during the coaching session.  We also need to be flexible with this happening.

We can then start to help the client move forward towards achievement of what they want for themselves.

This could be in a goal setting approach that brings about actions or a more fluid coaching conversation that creates awareness and more clarity for the client.

Whichever route we take with clients and however we are coaching an important part of the change process is starting to discuss what things would be like or could be like once they have improved or changed.

How will they know things are different? Is it the way they talk to themselves, the impact of this change on others and their relationships and what is the measurement of difference?

The key here is to bring in ownership from the client in how they manage the change, what would be a more resourceful way to be living and the impact in doing things differently.

There can also be an element of testing it out.

You may resonate with the idea that just talking about it isn’t going to change it. Coaching will quite often bring a new clarity into place and sometimes a light bulb moment shows it self within the session. The realization from the client in how they have been living.

When I coach I also want the client to learn from this new awareness and test things out for themselves.

As you may have heard if you always do what you have always done you will always get what you have always got.

In order to get different results you need to do things differently.

The wonder of coaching is that these differences in thinking, actions, and behaviour can then be visited in subsequent sessions with your client to find out what has changed for them? What have they learnt from this and how can this be built upon as a resource to accomplish more of what they want?

The client needs to be at the centre of his or her own development and learning.  Future posts will look at this as key concept to working holistically with clients.

For now don’t be afraid for the client to take responsibility and ownership of their goals and desires.

Coaching into corners

by
Reply

As a practicing coach, someone with an interest in coaching or for those who just are at the stage of starting with clients and taking those first intrepid steps, I wanted to share what I see is a common challenge in the world of coaching.

Clients will come to a coaching session with their complex lives, beliefs, values and so much more.

This is where coaching can help people to unpick how they are doing things, how they are thinking and behaving and where they are not getting the results that they desire.

So far so good.

Within the art of coaching there are key skills that the practiced coach will need to bring in with client work, which includes simple and purposeful questioning, learning centered listening and holding space for the client to talk about what they need to and what they want to improve or change.

Again this is all good so far.

Where coaches can trip up is by asking too many questions and unpurposeful questions that have no meaning for the client. Also for many there can be the idea that as a coach it is their job to get results, make sure that these can be seen in the session and that any pain or frustration is removed entirely from the clients life.

I remember when I was coached (way back in the dusty old days before coaching had taken on transformational approaches).

I had been trying to work on a hazy goal of getting fitter. I was aware that I was not happy with my lack of fitness in my life and wanted this to change.

Where would coaching have the best impact? In transformational coaching we would firstly find out what getting fitter could mean, how this would impact the client and also what is the stuckness that is preventing them from changing.

There could be a number of reasons for not moving forward according to the client that could include fear of change, fear of rejection, not knowing where to start, impact on time and so much more.

However the coach immediately sprang into action and said how can you get fitter? What can you do? What options do you have to get there? What will you do? And the classic coaching question, what else?

The “what else’ question was fired at me from all angles and I felt hemmed in, unable to move with the coaching spotlight glaring at me from all sides.

I felt coached into a corner with no escape.

Was this useful?

At first take up yes. However after a full round of what else I became increasingly frustrated and dismissive of the coaching process.

The feeling I had was not being helped and supported but rather interrogated into trying to come up with a new way of thinking and possible ways to achieve what I wanted to.

Here is the deal breaker. I didn’t know what else I COULD do!!

This was not useful and I felt that in fact the coach had not understood my pain and frustration but merely wanted to by pass this in order to get to a result for them.

Sometimes what else can be useful but this in my opinion is one of the most overused two words in coaching.

It simply isn’t useful to coach in this way, which can break rapport, lead the client into frustration and get them banging their head against walls trying to come up with options to please the coaches agenda and leave the session with a nice tidy action plan.

What else has its place and this place needs to be worked into a coaching session along with the finding out firstly how the client is operating from their map of the world and what leaves them feeling stuck and unable to operate in the most optimal way for them.

We want to help clients experience the journey and their lives in all their complicated journey, not simply coach them into corners.